Sabrina, The Teenage Witch
Written By - Nell Scovell & Norma Safford Vela
Transcribed By - Paul Booth
Sabrina - Melissa Joan Hart
Hilda - Caroline Rhea
Zelda - Beth Broderick
Salem - Nick Bakay
Harvey - Nate Richert
Libby - Jenna Liegh Green
Magic Joel - Andrew Keegan
Ethan - Paul Provenza
Justin - Donald Adeosun Faison
Emma - Elizabeth Hart
Zoë - Ally Holmes
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the ABC Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.
Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina’s doing her homework. Salem pushes her door open with his head.
Salem- Sabrina, phone.
Sabrina- I didn’t hear it ring.
Salem- I was on another call. I think it’s Harvey.
Sabrina- Well why didn’t you say so. Scat!
Salem- I hate when she says that.
Salem leaves and Sabrina hurries to the phone by her bed.
Harvey- Hey Sabrina.
Sabrina- Hi Harvey.
Harvey- I’ve got a question.
Sabrina- Sure, ask away.
Harvey- What page are we supposed to read for Mr Pool’s class?
Sabrina- Um just the chapter on digestion up to the large intestine. Is that it?
Harvey- No. Actually I’m not calling about homework, that was just an excuse.
Sabrina- It was? For what?
Harvey- I really called to say, Sabrina I think your the prettiest girl in school.
Sabrina- (Excited) You do?
Sabrina sits quivering with excitement. She can’t ever remember feeling this happy.
Harvey- (Cont.) And there’s something else I wanna tell you.
Int. Upstairs landing. Salem is sat on the linen basket with the phone and speaks into it in a good impersonation of Harvey.
Salem- I like squid! I like it a lot! Squid rocks!
Sabrina- Who is this?
Salem- It’s Harvey-he-he-he-he!
Sabrina comes out of her bedroom furious.
Sabrina- You are so neutered!
She snatches the phone from him and storms back into her room.
Run opening credits.
Int. The Slicery. Sabrina is sat with her friend Emma but her attention keeps drifting to the door.
Emma- ...And if the soccer team wins again tomorrow we get to go to the play-offs.
Emma- Sabrina, did you hear what I said?
Sabrina- Sure! You were saying something about... something?
Emma- You’re not paying attention. You keep looking around.
Sabrina- I was sort of expecting Harvey to show up. So er what were you saying about... school?
Emma- I wasn’t saying anything about school. I was saying that if the soccer team wins again tomorrow...
Sabrina- (Interrupting) Wait! Harvey here! Pretend like we’re talking.
Emma- We are talking
Harvey- Hi guys!
Sabrina and Emma- Hi Harvey.
Harvey- Sabrina, would you be up for a game of foosball?
Sabrina- Oh actually I was just talking to Emma.
Emma- That’s okay, you go and play. I’ll finish my story later.
Sabrina- Good, because I really wanna hear the end of it... And the beginning. (To Harvey) Okay! Let’s foos! I lead forty-two to thirty-eight.
Harvey- Yeah but you’re going down today.
Sabrina- Ball up!
The games on.
Harvey- Spin! Spin!
Sabrina- You’re on the ropes!
Libby wanders past the table.
Libby- Hey Harvey!
Harvey- Hi Libby.
Harvey’s distracted for a moment and Sabrina slams the ball into the back of his open goal.
Sabrina- Um goal.
Int. Spellman kitchen. Zelda’s working on her lap-top at the table as Sabrina comes in.
Zelda- Oh hi Sabrina. Oh Harvey called for you about an hour ago.
Sabrina- No he didn’t, I was just with him.
Salem- He-he-he. Why do I never tire of it?
Sabrina glares at him. Like that ever works.
Zelda- So you were out with Harvey? The two of you have a date?
Sabrina- No, we were just playing foosball. Harvey’s to oblivious to ask me out on a date. I wish there was some way I could get Harvey to notice me more.
Zelda- Well the best way to get someone’s attention is to be an interesting person.
Sabrina- Gee let me think! What would make me more interesting? I know! What if I had supernatural powers and could blow stuff up?
She points at the sink and sets off a mini explosion that wakes Salem up.
Salem- Careful! A little close!
Zelda- Sabrina that is not the way to get Harvey’s attention.
Sabrina- I know but it made me feel better.
Zelda- Look, If you want him to notice you don’t be so available. Get a hobby or a job. When I was a girl I kept bees.
Sabrina- I think I’ll get a job.
Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Sabrina stands looking up at the notice board next to Zoë
Zoë- What kinda job are you looking for?
Sabrina- Ah just something to keep me busy on Friday nights.
Zoë- Yeah, I don’t have a boyfriend either.
Sabrina- Hey look! (Reading) ‘Auditions today for a lovely magicians assistant’ That’s perfect for me.
Zoë- Oh conceited!
She walks off.
Int. School cafeteria. later. Joel the magician is running his auditions for a lovely assistant. The first applicant arrives.
Justin- I’m here for the lovely magicians assistant job.
Joel- Well you’re really not qualified.
Justin- Aren’t I lovely?
Joel- Well yes Justin you are, but you’re not a girl.
Justin- Well the sign didn’t say anything about being a girl.
Joel- Would you be willing to wear sequins?
Joel- Slit up to here?
He touches the top of his hip.
Justin- No problem!
Joel- Yeah well... You’re too tall. Next!
Justin- I’ll wear flats!
Justin passes Sabrina on his way out.
Justin- He’ll love you shorty.
Sabrina- (To Joel) Um I’m her for the magicians assistant job. I’m Sabrina Spellman.
Joel- I know. We’re in English class together.
Sabrina- We are?
Joel- Yeah! I sit three chairs behind you. Remember one day you dropped your pen and I picked it up and you said ‘thanks a lot’?
Sabrina- ...Yeah and then you said ‘You’re welcome’?
Joel- Right! Well you seem qualified. You’re lovely, not too tall. Now, do you have any experience of magic?
Sabrina- A little. I prepared a trick.
She opens up her nap-sack and takes out an apple.
Joel- Well you’re mostly there for misdirection but go ahead.
Sabrina puts the apple down on the table, stands back and points at it.
It expands into a very large apple before their eyes.
Joel- That’s like Vagas magic! You’ve got the job!
She takes the nine-inch wide apple and wrestles it into her nap-sack.
Int. School hallway. Sabrina’s at her locker when Harvey shows up.
Harvey- Hey, are you heading over to The Slicery?
Sabrina- I can’t, I have rehearsal.
Harvey- Rehearsal? Are you in a play?
Sabrina- No. I got a job as the lovely assistant in a professional magic act.
Libby saunters by.
Libby- Hey Sabrina! I heard you joined Magic Joel’s freak show.
Sabrina- It’s his world of wonder!
Libby- Harvey, I’m heading over to The Slicery. See you there?
Harvey- Sure. (To Sabrina) Are you comin’?
Sabrina- Didn’t you hear what I said? I can’t.
Int. Joel’s laundry room. The door is flung wide dramatically and Joel shows Sabrina in. One side is filled with magic props and has framed posters of famous magic acts on the wall. The other side has a washer and drier and piles of laundry.
Joel- This is where the magic happens!
Sabrina- And the laundry.
Joel- Do you wanna see me saw my dog in half?
Sabrina- Your dog?
Joel- I had to practice on something before you came along.
Sabrina- How did you get into magic anyway?
Joel- The truth is I thought it would make girls like me.
Sabrina- And did it?
Joel- See that’s the tragedy, girls hate magic but I still do it because magic makes me feel special, but I guess you wouldn’t understand that.
Sabrina- Actually I would.
Joel- If only magic were real.
Sabrina says nothing and keeps a straight face.
Joel- (Cont.) Okay let’s start. The first illusion you will learn is...
He walks over to the biggest prop in the room and pulls back it’s red curtain.
Joel- (Cont.) The assistant’s revenge.
A large wooden rectangular frame is uncovered with a web of leather straps hanging from the sides At the top is a neck stock and at the bottom an ankle stock. The curtain goes all the way around the front.
Sabrina- Wow! My magic never involved such large props.
Joel- Well you’re not a professional. Okay. Now before I show it to you, you must swear never to reveal the amazing and mystifying secrets of magic.
Sabrina- I swear I will never tell.
Joel- The amazing and...
Sabrina- (Interrupting) And mystifying secrets of magic. So er how does it work?
Joel- Step in.
Sabrina climbs between the frame. There’s a small stand at the bottom to raise her so her neck is level with the stock.
Joel- Now I buckle the buckles and lock the stocks...
A little later. Sabrina is thoroughly buckled and locked with the frame.
Sabrina- Are you almost done?
Joel- You know my dog never complained. Now I close the curtain and I walk around the back and presto! Change-o.
Sabrina- Aw! My foot!
Sabrina pulls the curtain back to reveal that Joel is now buckled and locked within the elaborate bonds of the frame.
Joel- Now say ‘Isn’t he amazing?’
Sabrina- Isn’t he amazing?
She poses and smiles at the imaginary audience.
Joel- Thanks. Now close the curtain again.
Sabrina does and right away.
Joel- (Cont.) Open it again.
She does and Joel’s gone from the frame.
Sabrina- Hey! Where’d you go?
He jumps out from the side of the frame.
Joel- Hup! I disappeared!
Joel- It’s our big finale. Now let’s talk wardrobe. I’m thinking a valour pant suit with a plunging neck line.
Sabrina looks down at herself trying to picture it.
Joel- (Cont.) And what will you wear?
Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina comes through the front door followed by Joel.
Sabrina- You didn’t have to walk me home.
Joel- Well after rehearsal I always had to walk my dog too.
Sabrina- Well, I’ll see ya.
Joel- But before I go.
He strikes a match then gives it a shake. The match turns into a red rose.
Sabrina- Isn’t he amazing?
Joel- For you.
Sabrina- Thanks. See ya tomorrow.
Joel- Oh! Watch me disappear!
The door closes and he’s gone. Sabrina turns from the door to be intercepted by the ever curious Hilda.
Hilda- Who was that?
Hilda- He seems like a nice boy.
Sabrina- Yeah. Did Harvey call?
Hilda- I don’t think so but check with the cat.
Sabrina gives her rose to Hilda before heading for the kitchen. Hilda looks at the small rose and points at it. The big bouquet of them is much better and she smells their fragrance.
Hilda- (To Herself) Oh! I shouldn’t have.
Int. Westbridge High School Cafeteria. The lunch-time entertainment is in full swing, although he could probably have picked a more responsive subject than Libby.
Joel- Pick a card! Any card!
He waves a fanned deck in front of her and manipulates one card from underneath, tempting her to take it.
Joel- (Cont.) And I will amaze and astound you.
Libby- You mean bother and bore me.
She gets up and barges past Joel with her lunch tray and goes over to Sabrina and Harvey’s table.
Libby- Hi Harvey! Can I sit with you?
Without waiting for an answer she pulls out a chair and sits.
Sabrina- What’s wrong with your table?
Libby- It’s too close to Magic Joel. I can’t believe you’re working with him.
Harvey- You’re working with Joel?
Sabrina- I told you I’m his lovely assistant. You never pay any attention.
Harvey- Yes I do. You’ve got pudding right there.
Libby laughs as Sabrina wipes pudding off her cheek. Meanwhile Joel’s found another victim.
Joel- I hope this beautiful tie isn’t valuable?
Mr Pool- Well it’s my favourite tie but...
Joel snips it in half with his scissors.
Mr Pool- (Cont.) What are you doing!
Joel- Magic Mr Pool. Magic to amaze and astound you.
He takes the two halves of the tie and places them in a red felt bag and gesture over it.
Joel- (Cont.) Presto! Change-o!
He pulls out the tie whole again and hands it to Mr Pool.
Mr. Pool- Huh! How’d you do that?
He smells at the tie and inspects it.
Mr Pool- (Cont.) I think you made it cleaner.
Joel- Mr Pool. I’m going to make you an offer that you con’t refuse.
While at Sabrina’s table.
Libby- ..So Clare comes over. You know Clare?
Libby- Well she had the best story about Alice. You know Alice?
Libby- I’m telling the story anyway. You see...
Joel- (Interrupting) Sabrina! Sabrina! I have great news!
Sabrina- Excuse me, business.
She gets up and moves away with Joel and is happy to get away from Libby’s story.
Joel- Thanks to Mr Pool we’ve got our first big gig. It’s tomorrow, here in the cafeteria.
Sabrina- Alright! The cafeteria?
Sabrina- Do I have to wear a hair-net?
Int. Spellman Kitchen. Zelda’s on the phone.
Zelda- Tomorrow evening then. That sounds great. Okay. Bye.
She hangs up as Hilda comes down the stairs.
Hilda- Who was that? What’s going on? I could only hear your side of the conversation.
Zelda- That was my old collage buddy.
Zelda- No. Ethan Bodicker, he’s coming over tomorrow night for dinner.
Hilda- Oh Zelda, you have a date.
Zelda- It’s not a date, it’s dinner with a colleague. And you’re welcome to join us.
Hilda- I’d rather die but thanks.
Sabrina comes down the stairs like a glittering flamingo. Silver stilettos, a slinky pink sequins full length dress with a slit up to her thigh, pink shoulder length silk gloves and a large pink feather in her hair. She does her ‘isn’t he amazing’ pose.
Sabrina- Ta-da! What do ya think? Do I look more interesting?
Zelda- You look like some cheesy magicians assistant.
Sabrina- His name is Joel! And when we perform in the cafeteria tomorrow all eyes will be on us and Harvey will have to notice me.
Int. Westbridge High School Cafeteria. The next day. The magic show is underway and Sabrina smiles and poses in her pink ensemble as the equally sparkly Joel in a lime green silk shirt performs his illusions. Harvey and Libby have seats in the front row.
Harvey- (To Libby) What is Sabrina doing up there? Since when did she join a magic act?
Joel- Behold! The linking rings are un-linked!
He lifts the four steel rings up and pulls them apart. Or at least that’s what’s supposed to happen but the liking rings remain very firmly linked. The audience laugh.
Joel- (Cont.) Un-linked!
He tries again but with the same result.
Joel- (Cont.) Still linked! Ha-ha!
Sabrina- Isn’t he amazing?
Libby- Amazingly lame!
The audience laughs.
Mr Pool- (To Libby) Shh!
Joel- (To Sabrina) I can’t take the pressure.
Sabrina- You can do this Joel. Move onto the tie trick.
Joel- (To Mr Pool) Sir! May I have your tie so I can perform a trick that will amaze and astound you?
Mr Pool- Why of course! I love this trick.
He takes off his tie and hands it to Joel.
Joel- Now I hope this tie isn’t valuable.
Mr Pool laughs as Joel snips the tie in half and places it in the red bag.
Joel- (Cont.) O-oh!
Mr Pool- O-oh? You mean presto!
Joel- No, I messed up.
He Takes the two halves out of the bag.
Joel- (Cont.) I cut the wrong part.
Mr Pool- You ruined my tie? Grandpa’s tie!
Sabrina- Isn’t he amazing?
Mr Pool- No!
He walks off with the two halves of his tie.
Sabrina- (To Joel) Let’s go to the big finish.
Joel- Good idea. (To the audience) And now ladies and gentlemen for the big finale I will make my lovely assistant disappear!
Libby- (To Harvey) You know Sabrina really found a perfect boyfriend.
Harvey- She and Joel are going out?
Libby- That’s what I heard.
A little later.
Joel- Alright! As you can see she cannot escape.
Sabrina wriggles a bit within the stocks and straps to show how helpless she is.
Joel- (Cont.) Now!
He draws the curtain in front of her disappearing behind it himself
Joel- (Cont.) Presto! Change-o!
And the now free Sabrina pulls back the curtain to reveal to the stunned audience that Joel is now locked and strapped within the frame.
The audience is impressed at last and applaud.
Libby- Leave him in there!
Sabrina- Now Magic Joel will disappear.
She draws the curtain in front of him again.
Joel- (Whispering) No wait! My pants are stuck!
Sabrina- What do you mean?
Joel- Oh I blew the trick!
Sabrina- We’ll make it work.
Sabrina points at the curtain and pulls back the curtain.
Joel- No don’t!
Sabrina- (To the audience) See! Magic Joel has disappeared.
The audience applaud enthusiastically because indeed Joel has vanished and the frame looks empty.
Harvey- Wow! How’d they do that?
Libby- Magic I guess.
Sabrina- Shows over!
And she quickly draws the main curtains.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Joel! Joel, where are you?
Joel- I’m right here.
Joel- In the stocks. What am I, invisible?
Sabrina reaches up with a silk gloved finger and feels for him.
Joel- (Cont.) Aw! My eye! You mean I’m actually invisible?
Sabrina starts undoing the straps and locks.
Sabrina- I don’t know what happened.
Joel- I do. All my hard work paid off. My magic is real.
Sabrina- It’s real alright! Okay, now we have to change you back.
The last lock is removed and Joel is free.
Joel- Why? This is great! I can go anywhere. I can do anything. I am Magic Joel!
Sabrina finds Joel’s pants on the floor and as she picks them up the curtain behind he billows.
Sabrina- Joel? Joel? Joel! Where’d he go?
The cafeteria door opens and closes by itself.
Int. School hallway. Sabrina runs out of the cafeteria and looks up and down the empty hallway.
Sabrina- Joel? Joel?
She runs along the hallway looking for him but Harvey comes out of the cafeteria and call her back.
Sabrina- Hi Harvey.
Harvey- I saw the show and I have a question.
Sabrina- Oh I can’t tell you how the tricks are done.
Harvey- No I... Y’know I just wanted to know if it was true that you and Joel are goin’ out?
Harvey- Did someone say yes?
Sabrina- No! I’m practising my ventriloquism for the act. But er we’ll talk later, right now I’ve got to um...
She gropes around where Joel’s voice came from and finds his arm. She starts to drag Joel towards the science classroom behind her.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Go to Mr Pool’s room.
Joel resists but she tugs him in and pushes him ahead of her before turning back to Harvey.
Sabrina- (Cont.) I’m also doing mime.
She closes the door and turns to Joel. Or at least in his general direction.
Sabrina- (To Joel) How dare you! You have no right telling Harvey we’re boyfriend and girlfriend.
Joel- Why not?
Sabrina- Because we’re not!
Books move on a bench.
Joel- I gave you a flower and you took it.
Sabrina- That doesn’t mean anything!
Joel- Maybe not to you but it does to me.
A model of an atom spins on another bench.
Sabrina- Look Joel, we have a business relationship and that’s it.
Joel- But Harvey doesn’t even notice you! I would worship you, you’d be my everything.
Sabrina- I don’t wanna be your everything.
Mr Pool enters with the two halves of his tie.
Mr Pool- Sabrina! What are you doing in my classroom?
Sabrina- Errr I came to ask you a question.
Mr Pool- Ask away as I staple my tie back together.
Sabrina- Okay, I-I wanted to know if you enjoyed the magic show?
Mr Pool- Er not really. Joel ruined my favourite tie. There’s really something not right about that boy.
All the papers on Mr Pool’s desk go flying.
Mr Pool- (Cont.) What’s that!
Sabrina- A gust of wind?
Mr Pool- In this windowless prison cell? Anyway, y’know I thought you were really polished. My advice, lose Joel. You don’t need him.
The heavy text book rises off the desk and swings at Mr Pool’s head. Sabrina reaches out and grabs Mr Pool and pulls him towards her.
Sabrina- Mr Pool!
The book misses it’s target. Just.
Mr Pool- Sabrina?
Sabrina- Don’t be so harsh! This magic things a lot harder than it looks. Well I’d better get going.
She heads out of the class gesturing to the room.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Come on!
Mr Pool watches her go and shakes his head. If he lived to be a thousand he’d still not understand teenagers. He goes to his desk to start sorting out the papers that are strewn everywhere but as he sits hi chair mysteriously moves away and he falls on his butt. A flips up and the open door slams shut. Mr Pool picks up his staple tie and looks at it.
Mr Pool- (To the room) Grandpa?
Int. Spellman kitchen. The phone rings and Hilda answers.
Sabrina- Aunt Hilda you to help me! I turned Joel invisible.
Hilda- Calm down! You just need to give him a shot of visibility powder, it’s right here in the cabinet.
A point and the secret cabinet swings open and Hilda takes out what looks like a talcum powder container.
Sabrina- Can you bring it to me?
Hilda- You still don’t get this witch thing do you? Are you alone?
Sabrina looks up and down the hallway.
Sabrina- Pretty much.
Hilda points at the visibility powder and instantly it’s on the shelf by the pay-phones at school.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Got it.
Hilda- Just spray some in his face and he’ll be fine. See? No problem.
Sabrina- No problem except now I have to find him!
Hilda- Lets see. A sixteen year old invisible boy lose in a high school. Where would he go?
Sabrina drops the receiver and runs.
Int. The girls locker room. Half a dozen girls are in the process of changing for gym class when Sabrina slides to stop beside them.
Sabrina- Keep your shirts on! Don’t change! I smell smoke! RUN!
The girls scream in fright and run for the fire escape.
Sabrina- Hurry! Don’t inhale!
She’s suddenly alone in the locker room. Well almost.
He throws a towel at her.
Sabrina- I knew you’d be here. Look Joel, we need to talk.
Joel- Did you come to tell me you’d changed your mind?
She squirt the visibility powder at the spot where the voice came from but nothing happens.
Joel- What are you doing with that talcum powder?
The voice comes from behind her, she turns.
Sabrina- I thought you might be chafing.
She squirts again but misses again.
Joel- I know you probably don’t see much in me right now but you will. I’ll make you notice me Sabrina. You wait and see.
He’s moving all the time and in a desperate effort she spins squirting around her and is engulfed in a cloud of powder. Unfortunately none of it reaches Joel.
Int. Spellman living room. Zelda answers the front door.
A tall, dark and handsome young man enters.
Zelda- (Cont.) I’m so glad you came.
Ethan- Zelda, you look great! You never seem to age.
Zelda- Well let’s not talk about me, let’s talk about the search for monopoles.
Ethan- Ah you’ve read my last paper!
Zelda- I couldn’t put it down.
Hilda comes down stairs.
Hilda- Zelda! I’m late for my tea at the Harvard club!
She has a large rubber brain stuck on top of her head over her hair and looks very silly. She sees Ethan and stops in her tracks.
Hilda- (Cont.) Are you Ethan?
Hilda- Oh my God!
She runs off to the kitchen totally embarrassed.
Zelda- (To Ethan) Excuse me.
She goes after her sister.
Int. Spellman kitchen. Hilda is struggling to get the rubber brain off her head as Zelda enters.
Zelda- What’s going on?
Hilda- It’s stuck! Why didn’t you tell me Ethan was cute?
Zelda- Well I don’t think about the way he looks, I think about the way he thinks.
Hilda- I think he’s cute!
Zelda- Weren’t you going to Harvard for some tea?
Hilda- No stupid! I was making fun of you. Oh!
The rubber brain finally comes free leaving Hilda’s hair stuck up all over the place.
Hilda- (Cont.) Now I’m staying here. How’s my hair.
Zelda- You have brain head.
Int. The Slicery. Sabrina enters and joins Emma at a table.
Emma- Where’ve you been?
Sabrina- Looking for Joel.
Emma- I haven’t seen him.
Sabrina- Me neither.
Harvey comes over.
Harvey- Hi Sabrina. Can I sit here?
Harvey- I wanna hear more about your ventriloquism. You talk with your stomach right?
Joel- Harvey’s a loser!
Harvey- Who said that?
Sabrina- Err my stomachs grumbling.
The empty pizza tray on the table jumps up and hits Harvey in the face and Sabrina’s finally had enough.
Sabrina- (Under her breath) That’s it!
She jumps off her chair and kicks wildly at where she thinks Joel might be.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Where are you?
She spins round and kicks again.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Where are you!
A few wild swings of her arms and she sets off running round the table swinging her arms and kicking at thin air.
Sabrina- (Cont.) When I get my hands on you!
Everyone in The Slicery has stopped what they’re doing and are watching the mad girl who’s getting red in the face. She finally stops and looks round at everyone.
Sabrina- ...Gotta go!
She grabs her coat and flees The Slicery.
Int. Spellman dinning room. Zelda and Hilda sit with Ethan having dinner.
Zelda- But you have to factor in quarks remain forever trapped in the particles they create.
Hilda- I know the feeling.
Ethan- Yes but now-a-days all physics is sub-atomic physics. I mean between the bosons and the lectons and the quarks...
Hilda- (Interrupting) Since you took a breath I thought I’d jump in with a new topic. What’s your favourite Bruce Willis movie?
Ethan- I don’t now, ‘Die Hard’
Hilda- One, two or three?
Ethan- Weren’t they all the same?
Hilda- No. Actually two is very different.
Zelda- Hilda, sister dear. Why don’t you make like an atom and split?
Hilda- Fine! I can take a hint. I’ll leave you alone to discus your little quirks.
Ethan- It’s quarks.
Hilda- I meant quirks!
She picks up her pie and leaves.
Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina walks in through the back door as Hilda enters from the dinning room.
Sabrina- Don’t talk, bad night!
Hilda- Now the feeling!
Sabrina walks on upstairs and Hilda to the counter to dumps her pie.
Int. Spellman dinning room.
Zelda- Thank goodness that she left. Now we can talk about the first millisecond after the big bang. See I think...
Ethan- (Interrupting) Love me!
Ethan- I’m sorry. It’s just that we finally get rid of your weird sister and all you can talk about is the big bang? I came here tonight hoping for more than science. I wanted you to look into my eyes and see something other than rods and cones.
He takes her hands in his and draws her to her feet.
Ethan- I love you Zelda. Don’t you realise that?
Zelda- You never said anything.
Ethan- I’ve been playing footsie with you all night!
Zelda- That was you! I thought it was the cat.
Ethan- What’s the point? This is too humiliating.
He turns towards the living room and the front door.
Zelda- (To herself) I can’t let him go. Slippery floor!
She casts the spell and Ethan’s feet slide from under him leaving him in a heap on the slippery living room floor. Zelda winces and dashes over to him.
Zelda- (Cont.) Are you okay?
Ethan- What happened?
Zelda- Slippery floor.
The door-bell rings and a still disgruntled Hilda walks through with Salem at her shoulder for comfort.
Hilda- I’ll get it. What are you doing down there?
Zelda and Ethan- (Together) Slippery floor.
Zelda- And now we’re going back into the dinning room.
She helps Ethan up and they make their way to the sliding doors.
Zelda- (Cont.) It’s um time for dessert.
Zelda- Yes, dessert.
Ethan- Oh good. I-I like dessert.
They look into each others eyes as their hands find the handles to the sliding doors and they come together as the doors do.
Hilda carries on to the front door. There’s a boy stood there.
Hilda- Hello. Who are you?
Harvey- I’m Harvey. Is Sabrina here?
Hilda- Oh come in. So you’re Harvey.
She puts Salem down on the bottom tread of the stairs.
Hilda- (Cont.) Salem, Go get Sabrina.
Salem- (Under his breath) Why do I have to be the one?
But he runs up the stairs anyway as Hilda turns back to Harvey.
Hilda- I have a few questions.
Harvey looks uncomfortable.
Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina’s still upset about her performance in The Slicery and is lay reading on her bed when Salem enters.
Salem- (Imitating Harvey) Hey Sabrina, guess who’s here?
Sabrina- Very funny.
Salem- No really, Harvey’s here.
Sabrina- Harvey’s here!
She rolls off the bed and runs for the stairs.
Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina’s smiling with excitement as she runs down the stairs and can’t quite hide it when she reaches the bottom.
Sabrina- Hi Harvey.
Harvey- Hi Sabrina.
He’s feeling a little excited and nervous also.
Hilda- I’ll leave you two alone.
Sabrina- Take the cat!
Hilda takes him to the kitchen.
Sabrina- So er what are you doing here?
Harvey- I was worried about you. I noticed that you sorta lost it at The Slicery.
Sabrina- You noticed?
Harvey- Yeah and I wondered if maybe you were mad at me?
Sabrina- No, I’m not mad.
Harvey- Good, ‘cause I was thing that maybe (mumbling) y wa..a g.. da..e e?
Harvey- Oh don’t make me say it again!
Sabrina- I swear I didn’t hear you.
Harvey- Do you wanna go out with me? Like on a date?
Sabrina- Like a real date? I-I’d love that! Yeah er when?
Sabrina- Let’s go!
They get as far as the door.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Wait. I should change first. Hang here, I’ll be right back.
Harvey- Actually! I’m going to wait in my car. I’m afraid your aunt’ll keep asking me questions.
Sabrina- Meet you out front.
Harvey leaves and Sabrina heads up stairs feeling wonderful and bumps into something.
Joel- Hi Sabrina.
She sits on the stair beside the invisible boy.
Sabrina- I totally forgot about you. How did you get here?
Joel- I came in with Harvey.
Sabrina- Did you notice he noticed me?
Joel- Yeah! So I guess I’m out of the running.
Sabrina- Joel, you never were... Yeah, your out of the running.
Joel- I wish you liked me Sabrina.
A potted plant rustles as he moves further into the living room. Sabrina follows.
Sabrina- I do Joel, just not in the way you want me too. But I like talking magic with you.
Joel- You do?
Sabrina- Yeah. Look, are you anywhere near my face?
The piano starts to play by itself.
Joel- Actually I’m at the piano.
Sabrina- Oh I didn’t know you liked the piano.
Joel- I thought it’d make girls like me.
Sabrina- And did it?
Joel- No. Girls like guitars.
Sabrina- Hey er wait here. Play! I’ve got to grab something in the kitchen.
Joel plays, very well, as Sabrina nips off
Int. Spellman Kitchen. Sabrina runs in and grabs the visibility powder from her nap-sack on the counter and runs back with it hidden behind her back.
Int. Spellman living room. Joel is still playing beautifully as Sabrina approaches.
Sabrina- Wow! You’re good.
Joel- You think?
She squirts the powder where his face should be and he stops playing and starts coughing. He appears still in his green shirt but minus his pants wafting at the powder in the air.
Joel- What are you doing!
Sabrina- I’m undoing. And you know Joel? Someday some girl will appreciate all your hard work. Maybe not in high school but I’m sure by late collage. Well, I’d better get going.
Joel- So I-I guess this is it?
Sabrina- I guess. No wait! We have English class together.
Joel- Oh right! So I’ll see ya tomorrow.
Sabrina- Yeah, see ya.
She goes upstairs to change for her date as Hilda comes through.
Hilda- What’s going on?
She walks up to the piano.
Hilda- (Cont.) Who are you?
Joel- I’m Joel.
He suddenly jumps back realising.
Joel- (Cont.) You can see me?
Hilda- Yes and your not wearing any pants.
Int. Westbridge High School Girls Locker Room. The next day. Libby is unbuttoning her cardigan to get ready for cheerleading practice as Joel sneaks round the corner behind her. She senses a presence, turns and clutches her open top about her.
Libby- Joel! What are you doing in here?
Joel- Oh! You can see me?
Libby- No, you’re invisible.
Joel- I am!
Libby- No! Get out or I’m telling coach Sapho.
Joel- Man! I thought for sure I’d got it right. I was Magic Joel once and I will be again.
Libby- GET OUT!
Joel runs for it.
Libby- (To herself) I hate magic.
Int. Spellman kitchen. The phone rings and Zelda goes to answer it.
Zelda- Hello? Oh hi Ethan. Oh well your welcome. Oh well yes, well any time. I’d like that. What are you doing now? Oh you’re at home? You’re eating a can of tuna?
She stamps her foot.
Zelda- (Cont.) Salem! I can’t believe you tricked me! Ugh!
She slams the receiver into it’s cradle.
Int. Ethan’s living room. He’s on the phone.
Ethan- Zelda? Zelda? Ze...
He switches off his phone and shakes his head.
Ethan- (Cont.) What’s her problem?
And picks up his can of tuna...