Sabrina, The Teenage Witch
Geek Like Me
Written By - Rachel Lipman
Transcribed By - Paul Booth
Sabrina - Melissa Joan Hart
Hilda - Caroline Rhea
Zelda - Beth Broderick
Salem - Nick Bakay
Harvey - Nate Richert
Jenny - Michelle Beaudoin
Libby - Jenna Leigh Green
Mr Pool - Paul Feig
Cee Cee - Melissa Murray
Jill - Bridget Flanery
Gordie - Curtis Andersen
Cicero - Mark Fite
Sherman - Henry Hien Cong
Howard - James D. Fields
Matt Sabetti - John Knight
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the ABC Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.
Int. Spellman upstairs landing. Zelda’s having a spring clean of the linen closet. Already a set of pink, plastic flamingo garden ornaments have been ditched. Hilda picks one up and caresses it as Zelda drags out a suit of armour.
Zelda- I’m getting rid of this.
Hilda- My Carass! Where did you find it? You can’t throw that away.
Zelda- Oh give me a brake Hilda, you haven’t used your carass for centuries.
Hilda picks it up and hugs it while Zelda goes back into the closet.
Hilda- Oh I’ve just been waiting for it to come back into style.
Zelda- Hm-mm, and when were you going to use this?
Hilda- Oh my mace! Oh remember the good times? Party!
She waves the lethal, spiked, weapon around dancing.
Zelda- Only you would be nostalgic for the dark-ages.
Zelda strains as she pushes the next item out of the closet.
Zelda- (Cont.) I never want to trip over this again.
Hilda- My cannon!
Zelda- Why would you want to keep an instrument of destruction in the house?
Hilda- Sentimental reasons?
Zelda- We don’t have room for all this junk.
Hilda- Junk! You call this junk?
Zelda- Put the mace down. All right, I’ll make you a deal. You have a week, if you use these things you can keep them if not, they go.
Hilda- Fine, I accept because it just so happens that you selected three items that are very useful to me. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to put my cannon away.
She bends down and pushes the heavy artillery across the landing were it just happens to be pointing at Sabrina’s bedroom door as it opens.
Sabrina- Okay! Okay! I’ll clean my room.
Hilda- (To Zelda) See? I told you it was useful.
Run opening credits.
Int. Westbridge High School Biology class. Mr Pool is holding up a scull and waggling the jaw.
Mr Pool- And the best way to remember it is, mandible has a ‘B’ and that stands for bottom.
Harvey turns round to Sabrina.
Harvey- But how do we remember maxilla?
Sabrina- It’s the other one.
The school bell rings and the kids start packing up their stuff.
Mr Pool- Oh wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Er before you bolt, Gordie has a very important announcement that just might change your lives. Take it away.
Gordie stands up at the front of the class and pulls out a piece of paper.
Gordie- (Reading) Okay, in fifteen eighty-one Galileo began....
Mr Pool- (Interrupting) Make it quick Gordie.
Gordie- Jumping to the end of the millennium. the Science Club will be meeting every day after school to celebrate national science week.
Libby- You mean national geek week.
Gordie- We hope you’ll all join us. Any questions?
Libby- Yeah, can we get outa here?
Gordie- Sure. Oh, sign up early, win a ham.
Mr Pool- (To Gordie) It’s a tough room Gordie. Believe me, I know.
Int. School hallway. Sabrina’s at her locker, Jenny’s with her. Gordie's having trouble with his locker as Libby and her friends, Jill and Cee Cee, come round the corner in their cheerleading outfits. As they pass Gordie the locker door suddenly becomes un-jammed and hits Gordie on the head.
Libby- Hey Gordie, why don’t you come up with a scientific explanation for why you're such a loser?
Cee Cee- ‘?Lesson?’ head.
Jill- Zit master.
The three cheerleaders walk off down the hallway laughing. Gordie closes his locker and hurries off embarrassed in the opposite direction.
Sabrina- (To Jenny) Poor Gordie, I feel so bad for him.
Jenny- Well he needs to be more in touch with his audience. No one knows or cares what Galileo did in fifteen eighty-one.
Sabrina- He entered the university of Pisa.
Jenny- Sabrina, I didn’t know you were a geek.
Sabrina- I’m not, I just like science. Does that make me a geek?
Jenny- No, I guess not.
Sabrina- And you know I’m even thinking of going by the Science Club after school.
Jenny- Okay now that could be a problem.
Jenny- Because this is high school. If you show passion or enthusiasm for anything you're doomed. You might as well be wearing a big ‘Kick Me’ sign.
She turns and walks down the hallway, Sabrina follows and surreptitiously pulls the big ‘Kick Me’ sign from Jenny’s back.
Int. School cafeteria. Harvey joins Sabrina and Jenny at their table.
Jenny- Hey Harvey. Help us out, Sabrina’s got a problem.
Harvey- What’s up?
Sabrina- Well I was thinking of joining the Science Club.
Harvey- Really! I didn’t know you were a geek?
Sabrina- I’m not. That’s the problem, I’m afraid everyone will think I am.
Harvey- Well they will.
Jenny- (To Harvey) I explained that we can’t change the whole system just for her.
Sabrina- Well why does everyone have to be stuffed in a category? I mean I don’t get it, look around.
She points to the table where Libby and all her friends sit in their cheerleading outfits.
Sabrina- (Cont.) The cheerleaders only eat with the cheerleaders,
She points to the other side where Gordie and his pals sit in their geek outfits.
Sabrina- (Cont.)The geek's only eat with the geek's. I just don’t want to be labelled.
Harvey- You have no choice. You have a grace period as a new student but pretty soon you're going to be stereotyped.
Sabrina- Well what are you guys?
Harvey- Well I’m a quasi-jock with semi-literary aspirations and a hint of denialism.
Sabrina- If only it was that simple for me. Jenny, what are you?
Jenny- I tried to be an outsider but I didn’t really fit in. Now Libby calls me a freak and I’m okay with that.
Sabrina- Well why can’t I just be me?
Harvey- That’s a pretty small group.
Suddenly the cheerleaders table springs into energetic life as Libby leads the girls in a cheer waving her pom-pom’s .
Libby- We’ve got spirit,
The rest jump up and join in.
Cheerleaders- Lets hear it.
They all move into position and start kicking and dancing, Pom-pom’s shake everywhere.
Cheerleaders- Lets go! Lets go! Lets go! Lets go!
Sabrina- (To Harvey and Jenny) I think we should take her advice and just go.
Libby- It’s spirit week at Westbridge, we’re playing Eastbridge this weekend and we’re number one.
Harvey- Yeah, in turn overs and penalties.
Libby- We’ll be wearing our uniforms every day this week and leading cheers at lunch reminding you to support our team. Ready?
Cheerleaders- Okay! East meets West and we know who’s the best. Whoooo!
Sabrina- I don’t get it. I mean to me that looks geeky. How can she do that and still be so popular?
Jenny- Libby’s not popular; she’s powerful.
Sabrina- Well how did she get the power?
Jenny- She seized it and as long as there are people backing her up she’ll keep it, it’s all very Stalin.
Harvey- I don’t know what you guys are talking about, Libby’s always been nice to me.
Sabrina- I’m going to get more tatter-tots.
Harvey- I’ll go with you.
They get up and head for the serving area passing Libby. Harvey carries on round the corner but Sabrina stops to watch Libby’s Finale.
Libby- See you tomorrow. We’re number one.
She throws up her arm and turns... right into Gordie who’s taking his tray to the waste bin. The tray and everything on it clatters to the floor.
Libby- Watch where you're going geek! You got my uniform wet.
Gordie- I’m sorry.
Libby- Oh you are so transferred.
Sabrina- Libby, lay off him. It was an accident.
Libby- It’s just like a freak to defend a geek. Maybe the two of you can get weekend jobs at the carnival.
Libby walks off passing Harvey as he returns, She smiles at him.
Libby- (Cont.) Hi Harvey.
Libby continues out of the cafeteria, Harvey joins Sabrina.
Harvey- (Cont.) See? She’s nice.
Int. School hallway. Jenny comes up to Sabrina at her locker.
Jenny- Sabrina I thought you were going to the Science Club?
Sabrina- I am, in a minute as per our previous discussion.
She points down the hallway where Libby is with her friends. She doesn’t want her finding out.
Jenny- Oh got it. Later.
Int. Science class. The Science Club is getting underway, supervised by Mr Pool.
Mr Pool- Well this is a delightful turn out. Five, the same as last year which means none of you were killed at summer camp. Ha ha.
The five members of the Science Club look at one another, not getting it.
Mr Pool- (Cont.) Okay, er I see Sherman’s sporting a new look, did you get contacts?
Sherman- (Squinting) No, someone stole my glasses.
Mr Pool- Alright. Well er lets begin by discussing the biggest scientific breakthrough in recent months, the possible evidence of life on Mars. Er what does this discovery mean to us?
Five arms shoot up as one.
Mr Pool- Howard?
Howard- It means that the governments been covering this up for years and that Scully and Mulder are right, the truth is out there!
The rest of the guys agree whole heartedly and volubly.
Mr Pool- Alright, calm down, calm down. Look how many times do we have to go over this? The X files is fiction; Scully and Mulder are played by actors. Oh now come on, don’t get upset.
Sabrina enters a little late due to having to wait for Libby to go.
Sabrina- Hi, is this Science Club?
Mr Pool- Did you leave something in your desk Sabrina?
Sabrina- No. I was thinking of joining, unless you're all filled up.
Mr Pool- Not at all, everyone’s welcome. Have a seat.
Gordie- (To himself) There’s a girl in Science Club, don’t panic.
Sabrina- Hey, how’s it going?
Int. School hallway. Sabrina comes out of the science class with Gordie and Sherman. Gordie carries a stack of books.
Sabrina- I never knew a pickle could be used as a light bulb.
Gordie- Oh it’s super-versatile.
The top book slides of the stack onto the floor. Gordie picks it up and they leave.
Sabrina- (Calling after) Bye guys, see you later.
She heads down the hallway in the other direction only to see Libby coming towards her. She quickly back steps to her locker and turns the combination.
Libby- What are you doing here so late? Was there a meeting of the freak society?
Sabrina- Libby why don’t you just....
Mr Pool- (Passing, to Sabrina) Hey, great having you in Science Club Sabrina, Don’t forget to bring your rock tumbler tomorrow.
Sabrina’s so embarrassed she delves into her locker for her school books so she doesn’t have to face Libby’s scorn.
Libby- You went to Science Club! That is too perfect, you're a geek in freaks clothing.
Sabrina turns to Libby.
Sabrina- I am not a geek!
In turning so sharply she dislodges one of her books. The top one hits the floor with a loud slap. Both girls look down at it for a moment.
Sabrina- (Cont.) That doesn’t prove anything.
She bends down to pick up the book.
Libby- Oh here let me help you.
She bends down also reaching for the book but as Sabrina’s about to get it she gives it a kick sending it sliding down the hallway.
Libby- (Cont.) See you later.. geek.
She walks off laughing.
Int. Spellman living room. Zelda plays the piano. Hilda enters dancing to the music and wearing her carass. She spins but the weight of the armour throws her off balance and she staggers sideways.
Hilda- Look it still fits and it’s great for lounging around the house.
Zelda- That doesn’t count as a use.
Hilda- Why not?
Zelda- No one wears metal after labour day.
Sabrina enters from school.
Sabrina- Aunt Hilda, what’s the range on your cannon?
Hilda- I’ll get it, we’ll find out.
Zelda- Hilda! will you please sit down?
Hilda sits clumsily on the settee.
Zelda- (Cont.) Sabrina, a cannon is not a solution for a land based problem.
Zelda and Sabrina watch as Hilda struggles around on the settee to sit upright. Once she achieves an apparently casual and comfortable position she smiles.
Zelda- (Cont.) What’s going on?
Sabrina- Libby caught me coming out of Science Club.
Zelda- You went to science club? Oh that’s wonderful.
Sabrina- No it’s not. Now Libby thinks I’m a complete geek.
Hilda- I knew this would happen, it’s Zelda’s influence. I begged you to watch TV with me so you’d be normal.
Zelda- Oh be quiet.
With a point Zelda adds an essential accessory to Hilda’s armour. A helmet complete with visor.
Hilda- Hey! It’s dark in here.
Zelda- (To Sabrina) Now, it shouldn’t bother you what Libby says.
Sabrina- It shouldn’t but it does. I wanna use my magic to teach Libby a lesson.
Zelda- That sounds very constructive.
Sabrina- I’m going to give her a snout
Hilda raises her visor.
Hilda- Oh good idea!
Zelda flicks her finger in Hilda’s direction and the visor snaps shut again.
Zelda- You need to talk to my friend Cicero; he’s an expert on these matters. Come on, we’ll look him up in the book.
She grabs hold of Sabrina’s hand and drags her off to the stairs.
Zelda- (Cont.) Are you coming Hilda?
She tries to stand.
Hilda- (Cont.) ...No.. I can’t. My outfits to heavy.... but it’s very useful.
Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Zelda flips through the magic book while Sabrina watches on.
Sabrina- See when you said ‘look him up in the book’ I thought you meant phone book.
Zelda- No, magic book. Cicero is figure 3a. He’s one of the ancient geeks'. Oh there he is.
In the book is a picture of a man dressed in a roman toga and wearing a laurel wreath. The heavy dark rimmed spectacles are the only things that mark him as a geek.
Zelda- (Cont.) Hello Cicero.
Cicero- There’s a girl looking at me. Mmm, don’t panic.
Zelda- (To Sabrina) Ask him what he’d do, he’s very knowledgeable.
Sabrina- Hey Cicero, I’m Sabrina and I have a question.
Cicero- Ask away but make it quick. If the centurions catch me here it’s a guaranteed swirly in the aqueduct.
Sabrina- Okay. See there’s this girl in my school and she keeps calling me a geek and I really don’t like it.
Cicero- I suggest that you ignore her, okay. Bye bye.
The image of Cicero starts edging towards the edge of the picture.
Sabrina- No wait! I can’t ignore her, no one can ignore her. You’ve gotta help.
Cicero- Well there are two ways to teach her a lesson. The first is to just give her a snout.
Sabrina- (To Zelda) I knew it.
Zelda- (To Cicero) What’s the second.
Cicero- Give her a taste of her own medicine, turn her into a geek. She’ll see how it feels and she’ll learn that it’s what’s inside that really counts.
Sabrina- But how can I do that?
Cicero- A simple spell, just...
He demonstrates, touching the bridge of his nose and then pointing.
Cicero- (Cont.) ..point.
Sabrina- Like this?
She copies his action.
Cicero- Well actually you just have to point. My glasses were slipping.
Zelda- Thanks Cicero, you’ve been a big help.
Int. Westbridge High School Hallway. Gordie manages to hit himself on the head with his locker door again just as Libby passes in her cheerleaders kit.
Libby- Nice move four eyes.
Gordie quickly retreats as Libby opens her locker. Sabrina watches from further down the hall and points at Libby. Libby’s locker door swings open and smacks her on her head. She turns rubbing her forehead just as Jill and Cee Cee come round the corner.
Jill- Hi Libby.
Cee Cee- Are you okay?
Libby- Oh my eye balls have started itching. It must be my contacts, I’ll be right back.
She heads off to the bathroom.
Jill- (To Cee Cee) Libby wears contacts?
School Hallway a little later. Libby walks down the hallway and stops by the drinking fountain. She bends down, takes a drink, straightens up, pushes her glasses back up her nose and wipes the back of her hand across her lips. She goes back to her locker where her friends still wait.
Libby- Much better.
Jill- Oh my god!
Cee Cee- What happened to you? You look totally weird.
Libby- I took my contacts out.
Jill- But what did you do to your hair?
Libby- Oh, well I ran my fingers through it a couple of times. Doesn’t it look shiny?
Cee Cee- More like greasy.
Jill- What’s with the uniform?
Libby- I was cold so I pulled up my socks. It’s function over fashion.
Jill- Since when!
The school bell rings and Libby dives into her locker for her books.
Libby- Oh, the bell! we’ll be late for class.
Jill- We’re always late for class, that’s what we do.
Libby- But we might miss something that’s on a test, come on.
She slams her locker shut and runs to class passing Sabrina along the way. Sabrina’s smiling happily.
Libby- What are you looking at?
Libby hurries on.
Int. School Cafeteria. Sabrina’s sat at a table and sees her friends come from the serving area with their trays.
Sabrina- Hey Harvey, Jenny, over here.
They join her at the table.
Harvey- You look happy.
Jenny- What’s going on?
Sabrina- Oh just a new world order... And butterscotch pudding.
Harvey- Oh boy, butterscotch pudding.
He reaches for a finger full of Sabrina’s but she snatches it back possessively.
At the cheerleaders table only Libby, Jill and Cee Cee are left sitting.
Jill- Hair check, Matt Sabetti’s heading this way.
Libby licks her fingers and flattens her centre parting down as the big senior letterman walks up.
Matt Sabetti- Hi girls.
Matt gives her a funny look and walks away.
Jill- (To Libby) What was that noise?
Libby- (Coughing) My asthma just kicked in, I need my inhaler.
Cee Cee- Get it later, it’s time to cheer.
They get up and take their positions.
Libby- We’ve got spirit.
She trips and stumbles over a chair leg.
Cheerleaders- Lets hear it.
She pushes her glasses up her nose and the pom-pom that’s in her hand irritates her nose making her sniff.
The group of cheerleaders lead off to the left, Libby goes to the right
Cheerleaders- East meets West and we know who’s the....
Libby is completely out of sync with the rest of the group and manages to catch Jill in the face with her pom-pom.
Jill- (Cont.) You poked me in the eye.
Cee Cee- Emergency huddle.
The girls all crowd round in the huddle.
Cee Cee- (To Libby) Not you.
Libby- You're huddling without me! You can’t huddle without me. You can’t exclude me!
Cee Cee- We just did.
Jill- You're sitting out spirit week Chessler, you're a threat to the whole team.
Libby- But where will I go? Who will I sit with?
Cee Cee- I’m sure you’d fit in over there.
Libby looks where Cee Cee had pointed to see the geek's table were they laugh uproariously at Howard who has two French frys sticking out of his nose.
Libby- I don’t think so.
She turns back to the departing cheerleaders but collides with Matt Sabetti, knocking his tray from his hands.
Matt Sabetti- Watch where you're going geek!
Libby- Who do you think you're talking to? Just because I wear glasses and have asthma and want to do well in school does not mean that I’m a...
Something horrible catches at the back of her throat making her snort.
Libby- (Cont.) Oh no!
She runs from the cafeteria, tripping on the way. Sabrina and the gang have been watching the show and the ever observant Harvey comes to a conclusion.
Harvey- There’s something different about Libby, did she change her hair?
Sabrina decides to do a little cheer of her own.
Sabrina- Ready? okay. It’s spirit week and Libby’s now a geek.
Jenny- I know it’s mean to say this, but Yes!!
Harvey- Hey, she’s always been nice to me.
Sabrina and Jenny give him an exasperated look.
Sabrina- I’m going to go talk to her.
Jenny- But whatever Libby’s going through doesn’t involve you.
Sabrina- Who said it did? It’s not like I feel responsible, I’m just a really empathetic person. Gotta go.
Int. Girls' bathroom. Sabrina enters and it appears empty.
One of the stall doors is closed but no feet are visible beneath.
Sabrina- (Cont.) I know you're in here; I can hear you wheezing.
She pushes open the unlocked stall door to reveal Libby squatting on top of the toilet with her inhaler.
Libby- What do you want?
Sabrina- I just came to talk.
Libby- Don’t you mean gloat?
Sabrina- I can talk and gloat at the same time. Look Libby, I thought you might need a friend.
Libby- Why, because all my other friends dumped me? Don’t they realise that geeks have needs and wants and feelings? If you trip us do we not fall? If you prick us do we not scream and pass out?
Sabrina- And what did that teach you?
Libby- To hate cheerleaders.
Sabrina- No. It teaches you that it’s what’s inside that counts.
Libby- That’s what I’ve learned?
Sabrina- Man I hope so.
Libby- Wait a minute, let me process this. It’s what’s inside that counts, so no matter how I look or dress I’m still me. I’m still Libby Chessler. This is very exciting.
Unfortunately too much excitement brings on her asthma.
Sabrina- But not over exciting.
Libby- Lets go back to lunch.
Int. School cafeteria. Libby storms in with determination and heads straight for the geeks table.
Libby- Can I sit here?
Gordie, Howard, Sherman and their fellow geek's look up in horrified surprise that Libby the arch geek baiter would ask that question. Libby holds up her inhaler.
Libby- (Cont.) Relax, I’m one of you.
She laughs with a little snort and the geek's immediately recognise one of their own and accept her. Sabrina returns to her own table.
Jenny- What’s going on, Libby’s sitting with the geek's?
Harvey- See, I told you she was nice.
Jenny- What did you say to her?
Sabrina- I just told her to be herself.
At the geek's table Libby is being exactly that.
Libby- Let's talk about power. How to get it; how to keep it.
She pushes her glasses firmly up her nose.
Gordie- Hey did you see ‘Xena, warrior princess’ last night?
Libby- Quiet, this is important.
Int. School hallway. Jenny catches up with Sabrina.
Jenny- Are you catching the bus?
Sabrina- No I’m going to Science Club.
Jenny- Are you sure you wanna broadcast that?
Sabrina- Yeah I do. Today the halls are safe for geeks.
Just then a geek raps himself hard on the head with his locker door.
Sabrina- (Cont.) But you can’t protect them from themselves.
Int. Science class. The Science Club is in session as Sabrina enters.
Sabrina- Hey, I brought my rock tumbler.
They all turn to her, including Libby.
Libby- May we help you?
Sabrina- What are you doing here?
Libby- I’m the new president and by the way, membership is closed. Science Club is now limited to six people.
Sherman- That’s how many can fit in the space shuttle.
Sabrina- You can’t do that, where’s Mr Pool?
Libby- I sent him for Tang and Fig Newton’s. Besides, you don’t belong here. You're not a total geek, is she guys?
The Science Club- No she’s not.
Howard- Yeah, you never sat with us at lunch.
Sherman- And what’s you eye sight, twenty-twenty?
Sabrina- Well stab me in the back with a protractor why don’t you. I can’t believe you guys are siding with Libby, she used to make fun of you all the time.
Sherman- Yeah, but now she’s our leader.
Gordie- (Under his breath) She’s not my leader.
Libby- What did you say Gordie?
Gordie- I said.. you're not my leader... you, you're pushy and bossy....
He edges past Libby and runs to hide behind the diminutive figure of Sabrina.
Gordie- (Cont.) ..And if Sabrina goes, I go.
Int. School hallway. Gordie and Sabrina run out of the science class at full pelt.
Sabrina- That was very brave of you Gordie.
Gordie- Don’t talk, run!
Int. Spellman Kitchen. Salem’s lay on the table swishing his tail. Hilda is preparing a steak. She talks between whacks.
Hilda- Look Salem, I’m tenderising the beef with my mace. It’s a deadly weapon and a handy kitchen tool.
Salem- Oh please, we’ve all seen the infomercial.
Sabrina enters from the back door.
Hilda- Hi Sabrina.
Sabrina- I just had a big stinky day. Aunt Hilda, my magic never works the way I want it to.
Hilda- Would it make you feel better to pound some beef?
She takes the mace from Hilda
Sabrina- (Cont.) Well you’ll be happy to know I got kicked out of the Science Club.
She gives a vicious whack with the mace for emphasis
Hilda- How come?
Sabrina- Because Libby says I’m not a total geek.
Hilda- I thought you were upset yesterday because she said that you were one?
Another vicious whack.
Hilda- There is no pleasing you.
Sabrina continues to attack the meat with heavy spiked weapon until Hilda intervenes.
Hilda- (Cont.) Alright, you're a little to good at that. Lets take a break.
Sabrina feels slightly better and goes to the fridge for some bottled water.
Salem- Hey can I lick the mace?
Hilda- Oh all right but be careful.
She puts it down on the table and he licks carefully at the sharp spikes.
Salem- Mmm, ouch! But it’s worth it.
Sabrina- You know the point was to teach Libby that it’s what’s inside that counts but I just forgot that inside she’s just a manipulative, conniving dictator.
Hilda- So are you reconsidering the snout?
Sabrina- No, I’m just going to turn her back to normal. I think I need to pound some more beef.
Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Libby has ditched her cheerleaders uniform for her geeks uniform. Her hair in bunches and thick rimmed glasses, blouse fastened to the top button and a turtleneck sweater. She leads the geek gang as they terrorise the halls of Westbridge. Two unsuspecting victims talk happily.
Libby- Hey Cee Cee, nice uniform. What does the 'W' stand for? Where's my brain?
Cee Cee- Get away you geeks.
Sherman- Hey look at me, I’m Jill and I wash my hair everyday.
Libby- Shields down, direct hit. Fire again.
Howard- Hey, how many cheerleaders does it take to screw in a pickle?
Jill- I don’t get it.
Libby- You wouldn’t.
She advances on her one time friend and the cheerleaders flee in panic. Libby and the geek squad laugh. Sabrina has watched the unprovoked attack from her locker and an excited Jenny joins her.
Jenny- Did you see that? The cheerleaders are being teased by the geeks The revolution is upon us.
Sabrina- I wouldn’t be too sure about that.
Sabrina casually points towards Libby undoing the geek spell.
Libby- (To the geek's) That’s funny, my eye balls stopped itching.
She takes off her glasses and inspects them but sees nothing wrong and puts them back on. She and her friends walk down the hallway towards Sabrina and Jenny.
Libby- (Cont.) So anyway, I checked out the radar game check web site and I think I’m going to link it to my home page.
Sabrina- Hey Libby, can I speak with you a moment?
Libby- Make it quick, I don’t wanna be seen talking with you.
Sabrina- Okay. Well, y’know I was just wondering if you’d tried doing any cheers lately? I bet you could.
Libby- Any Seal can clap.
She claps her hands to make her point.
Libby- (Cont.) I am a higher life form.
Libby pushes her glasses up her nose with conviction and walks off.
Sabrina- (To Jenny) I never would have guessed it but I think Libby really likes being a geek.
Jenny- Doesn’t surprise me. Libby doesn’t care what group she’s in, as long as she can exclude people she’s happy.
Int. School hallway, later. Sabrina comes up to Jenny at her locker with a great idea.
Sabrina- Jenny, I want you to come to Science Club with me.
Jenny- Sorry, I’m not into organised science.
Sabrina- Maybe I can convince you?
Jenny- I doubt it.
Sabrina points and Jenny locker door springs open smacking her on the forehead.
Jenny- Aw! I hope I didn’t suffer a hematoma.
Sabrina- Save it for club. Come on.
Further down the hall they spot Harvey coming out of the library.
Sabrina- Hey Harvey.
Harvey- Hey guys, what’s up?
He walks across the hall to his locker to put the library book away.
Sabrina- Do ya wanna come to Science Club?
Harvey- No way.
He turns back to his locker and Sabrina fires off her finger. Harvey cracks his head with the locker door.
Harvey- Weird, suddenly I wish I had every episode of ‘Mystery science theatre’ on tape.
Jenny- Hurry up, we’re going to be late.
Sabrina- Calm down, I’ll be right back. Stay here.
Sabrina walks off down the hallway and Annie Oakley has nothing on this girl. She’s quick on the draw and deadly accurate as students unexplainably smack their heads with locker doors. Not prone to mercy she even plugs Jill and Cee Cee with her geek guns before going into the girls' bathroom to stand before the mirror.
Sabrina- (To herself) For the good of mankind. I can’t look.
She turns her head away as she fire one last time.
Int. School science class. The Science Club is underway.
Howard- And the handwriting recognition on my Newton turned it into ‘Are you afraid of the dork’
The geeks laugh, Libby spraying her mouth full of OJ. There’s a knock at the classroom door and Mr Pool gets up.
Mr Pool- I’ll get it.
He opens the door to find Sabrina, she’s subtly changed. Her loose blond hair is pulled severely back into a pony tail, her blouse is buttoned right up to the neck and tucked into her pants which are pulled up high revealing the top of her ankle socks and she’s acquired a pair of glasses and a silly smile. A geek to the itchy eye balls.
Sabrina- Hello Mr Pool.
Mr Pool- Sabrina!
Sabrina- Let’s talk Philip K. Dick.
Libby- Hey, you can’t come in here.
Mr Pool- Well of course she can.
Sabrina- And I’ve brought some friends with me. (Calling out into the hallway) Come on guys.
The Geek parade makes it’s way in.
Cee Cee- Hi.
Jenny and Sabrina go to high five but miss and the real geeks look on in shock and amazement.
Mr Pool- Are you all here for Science Club?
Harvey- Yeah, science rocks!
Mr Pool- Welcome! Welcome! Oh what a happy day, I’ve touched you kids. I’m going to save the space programme.
Libby- Wait one nanosecond. Science Club was supposed to be exclusively for geeks.
Sabrina- It is, but now we’re all geeks.
Mr Pool- Right now the Science Club is for everyone.
Libby- Are you kidding? This isn’t a club, it’s just a bunch of people with shared interests hanging out together.
She whips off her glasses.
Libby- (Cont.) Well not me. I’m going home to wash my hair.
She storms out.
Mr Pool- (Calling after) Wait, don’t leave, you’ll miss out. The rest of us are going to play with really strong magnets.
Int. Spellman living room. Hilda is just heading up stairs as Sabrina comes through the front door still geekyfied. Hilda turns and gasps in horror.
Hilda- Look at you. Geeked to the gills, this is awful. I blame myself, no wait, I blame Zelda.
Zelda enters from the basement. Hilda shows her her niece.
Hilda- (Cont.) This is all your fault.
Zelda- My fault? Oh Sabrina you look adorable and so smart.
Sabrina- I feel smart and you know what? I learned something. No matter what we’re labelled Libby will always be Libby and I will always be me.
Hilda- You had to become a geek to figure that out?
Sabrina- Well it’s actually rather complex. I just put it in layman’s terms for you.
Zelda- I have to do that all the time.
Hilda- Oh, so what are you saying, you dumb things down for me?
Zelda- Well, C colon backslash Dah!
Hilda- Would you speak English.
Zelda- You are always ....
Hilda- Oh if you're so smart....
Zelda- ...pulling science down...
Hilda- ... I have knowledge you don’t too...
Zelda- .... Without knowledge we’d...
Sabrina silences the argument with a double point giving both her aunts a plumed helmet each.
Sabrina- I’m going to take a shower.
She heads up stairs. The arguments continues somewhat muted by the heavy iron helmets and visors.
Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Gordie runs to class with his books, one of them slips to the floor as the newly re-cheerleaderised Libby comes up with her old chums Jill and Cee Cee.
Libby- Here let me help.
She makes as if to kick the book down the hallway but stays her foot.
Libby- (Cont.) Wait a minute.
She bends down, picks up the book and hands it back to Gordie.
Libby- (Cont.) Here you go Gordie.
Gordie- You're setting me up aren’t you?
He makes a break for it and runs off.
Cee Cee- Oh, so now we’re helping geeks?
Libby- Well I just don’t feel like making fun of them anymore. You know geeks are people too.
They start to walk on down the hallway.
Jill- But if we can’t make fun of geeks, who will we make fun of?
Libby- Hi Sabrina, Superfreak!
The cheerleaders walk on and Sabrina turns from her locker and points. Libby walks through the fire escape doors with a big ‘Kick me’ sign on her back. Well it gets Sabrina through the day.
Int. Spellman Kitchen. Zelda sits at the table typing into her lap top computer.
Sabrina comes down the stairs.
Sabrina- I just thought you should know the kid next door is chucking water balloons at our house.
Zelda- Mm I know. Hilda already went out there; she said she was going to do something about it.
Sabrina- He’s such a little creep, he’s going to break my window.
Hilda- (OS) Arr! prepare to be boarded Timmy!
There’s a loud boom and a flash from outside and the sound of breaking glass.
Sabrina- What was that?
Hilda enters in a tri-corners hat and a soot blackened face. She holds up her ram rod triumphantly.
Hilda- Yes! I used my cannon, it stays.