Sabrina, The Teenage Witch
Written By - Nell Scovell
Transcribed By - Paul Booth
Sabrina - Melissa Joan Hart
Hilda - Caroline Rhea
Zelda - Beth Broderick
Salem - Nick Bakay
Harvey - Nate Richert
Jenny - Michelle Beaudoin
Libby - Jenna Liegh Green
Mr Pool - Paul Feig
Cee Cee - Melissa Murray
Jill - Bridget Flanery
Nana - Karen Morrow
Mr Berry - Alan Young
Howard - James Fields
Delivery Guy - Angelo Vacco
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the ABC Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.
Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Salem sits before her mirror sporting a natty line in button down collar and ties, not to mention a trilby tipped at a jaunty angle. A big band intro plays and Salem lets his fantasy ride.
Salem- (Singing) Those fingers in my hair, that sly come hither stare that strips my conscience bare, it’s witchcraft.
Sabrina- Salem, did I hear you singing?
Salem- No. I was just...
Sabrina- (Interrupting) It’s okay. I came in 'cause it sounded good.
Salem- Oh come on, enough. Ya think?
Sabrina- Yeah. I just wanted a front row seat.
Hilda runs in from the landing.
Hilda- Me too.
She’s closely followed by Zelda
Zelda- Right behind you.
Salem- Well, well, well. (To his reflection) Ol’ yellow eyes, you’ve still got it.
Sabrina- Hit it cat.
Salem- (Singing) And I’ve got no defence for it. The heat is too intense for it. What good would common sense for it do?
As he sings Hilda jumps up and dances but Salem suddenly starts to choke on something.
Salem- (Cont.) Hairball! (choke) Hairball!
Run opening credits.
Int. Westbridge High School Cafeteria. Jenny sits at a table with a notice pinned to the front suggesting 'Adopt-a-Grandperent today' Sabrina moves around in front waving her arms all about.
Sabrina- It’s an interesting theory Jenny but I don’t think there’s a force field around this table.
Jenny- Then why isn’t anyone signing up to adopt a Grandparent?
Sabrina- Do you think it’s clear that these adoptions are not legally binding?
Libby walks by with her tray.
Libby- Hi guys.
Jenny- Libby, can I sign you up for the Adopt-a-Grandparent programme?
Libby- Actually I came over here to tell you guys about my new community service, it’s the Adopt-a-life programme. May I sign you up?
Sabrina- Don’t answer, it’s a trick question.
Libby- (To Sabrina) See ya freak, (To Jenny) Frizzy freak.
She walks away and Jenny stands.
Jenny- (Calling after) Frizzy! These happen to be curls!
Sabrina- Let it go Jenny, take the high road.
Jenny sits back down to contemplate her clip board of names. Sabrina glances across to Libby who’s on her way to join her friends Cee Cee and Jill. As always they are at the forefront of the latest fashion trends which is currently over the knee socks, Jill’s are deep purple, Cee Cee’s gone for lime green and Libby wears always fashionable black. A quick point from Sabrina alters things with one of Libby socks turning yellow. Petty? Yes but it gets her through the day. Libby reaches Jill and Cee Cee to find them stood looking annoyed.
Libby- What’s going on?
Jill- Some foreign exchange students are sitting at our table.
Libby- Deport them.
Jill barges her way onto the table shoving the student who’s sat there over with her butt.
Cee Cee- What’s with your socks, did you get dressed in the dark this morning?
Libby- No, I...
She looks down and sees her odd coloured socks.
Libby- (Cont.) How did this happen?
Cee Cee and Jill laugh as they take over the table.
Libby- (Cont.) Quick, switch socks with each other.
Cee Cee- What!
Libby- I need a trend and I need it now.
Meanwhile Jenny and Sabrina are still trying to tempt people to join there adopt-a-Grandparent programme. Sabrina spots a potential punter.
Sabrina- Hey Harvey, over here.
He walks over.
Sabrina- (Cont.) We need you to sign up.
Harvey- I did, on my way in.
Sabrina- Yes but nobody else has, so could you do it again and do it loudly?
He takes the clip board and pencil.
Harvey- (Cont.)(Loudly) Sure, I’d love to adopt a Grandparent. Old people are so much fun, they know tones of stuff and sometimes they give you money...
Sabrina- (Interrupting) Shhhh! Don’t go there!
Later, lunch times over and Jenny’s taking down the ‘Adopt-a-Grandparent today’ banner.
Jenny- Well at least we’ve filled the sign up sheet.
Sabrina- Yeah, but it’s all Harvey and.. Mighty Mouse!
Libby and her friends are taking their trays back to the counter. Jill and Cee Cee now sport one deep purple sock and one lime green sock apiece.
Jill- So then my dad’s instructor said...
Another girl walks past with her tray wearing a pair of grey over the knee socks.
Libby- Hey! Look at her. She matches.
The girl looks down at what were very fashionable leg wear only half an hour ago. Dammit, how’s a girl supposed to keep up with such fleeting trends. Sabrina gets that you just can’t win feeling.
Int. Spellman kitchen. Hilda has the number two cauldron on the boil. Salem sits on the counter top.
Salem- What ya making?
Hilda- Hair soup. I thought long tresses would look nice for a change.
She scoops up a wooden spoonful and tastes it.
Hilda- (Cont.) Hmm, it tastes really wavy.
Zelda enters from the back door with a number of books under her arm.
Zelda- Sorry I’m late. It took longer at the book store than I expected.
Hilda- Did you get me ‘Cat Fancy’?
She hands it over, then puts another magazine in front of Salem.
Zelda- (Cont.) And Salem, here’s your ‘New Republic’
Salem- Thanks. I hate the politics but Brustien on the theatre is a revaluation.
Hilda- (To Zelda) Why do you keep smiling?
Zelda- I do not.
Hilda- Yes you do.
Zelda- Do not.
Hilda- Fine, don’t tell me. I can always twist your arm.
She points across at her sister and Zelda arm is twisted painfully high up behind her back
Zelda- Aw! Cut it out! Oh you!
She points a retaliatory finger back at Hilda.
Hilda- Aw! You're pulling my ear!
Zelda- Let go of my arm!
Hilda- Let go of my ear!
Zelda- Enough okay, I’ll tell you.
They point at each other to release their magical grips. Zelda rubs her arm.
Zelda- (Cont.) I met a guy at the book store.
Hilda- Oh really? What was his pick up line?
Zelda- He didn’t have one. He mistook me for an employee and asked me if we carried any books on how to meet intelligent women.
Hilda- Do you think you’ll see him again?
Zelda- He took my number but it wasn’t a pick up.
The simmering cauldron goes whooff! With a billow of steam.
Salem- Soups on!
Hilda- (To Salem) D’ya want some?
Salem- Just a smidgen bowl.
Hilda- How about you Zelda? It’s hair soup.
Zelda- No thanks, I just got mine cut.
She heads into the dining room with her books and a smile just as the phone rings. she spins round.
Zelda- (Cont.) I’ll get it! (Into the phone) Hello?
Hilda- Oh yuck, there’s a hair in my hair soup.
She picks it out.
Zelda- Of course I remember you Rick.
She mouths ‘It’s him’ to Hilda. Hilda mouths back ‘Oooh!’ Sabrina comes down the stairs.
Zelda- (Cont.) No, I’m still here.
Sabrina- (To Hilda) What’s she smiling about?
Hilda- A boy.
Zelda- Hold on Rick, I’m going to grab the cordless.
She points at the hand set that’s tucked under her chin and the cord drops out. She heads for the dining room with the disconnected handset still tucked under her chin.
Zelda- (Cont.) You were saying?
Hilda- (To Sabrina) D’you want some hair soup? It’s really thick and luxurious.
Sabrina- No thanks. I’m on my way to the Senior Center but I should probably bring them something.
She points at the table and a box a sweets appears.
Sabrina- Chewy caramels, that’s perfect.
She grabs them and leaves.
Int. The Senior Center, outer hallway. Sabrina comes round the corner carrying her caramels accompanied by Jenny and Harvey.
Harvey- This is already better than visiting my real Grandparents, I don’t have to take my ear rings out.
Sabrina pushes the door to the center open and they enter.
Int. The Senior Center. Elderly senior citizens sit around amusing themselves, some talking, some peruse the substantial book shelves, others tinkle on the piano, a grey haired gent sits studying a chess board as the three teenagers enter.
Sabrina- How do we know which one to chose?
Jenny looks around and know instantly.
Jenny- I see mine.
She heads to join a woman by the piano with long curly hair just like hers except for being grey.
Harvey- I see mine.
He goes to join the lone man at his chess board leaving Sabrina wondering which ones hers. She spots a lady sitting alone on a settee thumbing through a book and goes over, a little self conscious.
Sabrina- This is kind of awkward but would you like to be my Grandmother?
Nana- Of course, that’d be lovely.
Sabrina puts down her caramels, takes off her coat and sits down. Nana closes her book.
Nana- (Cont.) But before I start bragging about you I need to know your name.
Sabrina- I’m Sabrina, and what’s yours?
Nana- You can call me Nana.
She sits awkwardly not knowing how to begin or what she’s supposed to do. Nana sits smiling across at her.
Nana- An awkward silence, it’s like we really are family. Here, how about looking at my scrap book?
She moves over on the settee making room for Sabrina to sit beside her and opens the book.
Sabrina- Wow! Awesome photo of Elija Wood.
Nana- Oh he’s my little honey.
Sabrina- You know him?
Nana- Noah Wyle introduced us.
Sabrina- You know Noah Whyle!
Nana- Only through Christian Slater.
Sabrina- I love Christian Slater. How do you know these people?
Nana- Well when you get to be my age you know just about everybody.
The school paper photographer, Howard, Enters with his camera round his neck and a bag of gear. Jenny, who’s doing some dance moves with her new Grandma, spots him.
Jenny- Howard! Did you come to adopt a Grandparent?
Howard- No. I’m here to take a photo for the school paper. Were doing an article on community service, it’s called ‘Westbridge Cares’
He looks around at the pitiful turn out.
Howard- (Cont.) But apperantly not that much. I’ll go set up.
He heads off to a nearby table. Sabrina joins Jenny and Harvey in the center of the room.
Sabrina- Excellent timing. A photo will be great publicity for the programme.
Harvey- Yeah. I only wish we could have got'n someone cool to be here.
Sabrina- Thanks a lot!
Harvey- You know what I mean, someone others follow.
Sabrina- Like Libby the lord high empress of Westbridge?
Harvey- I thought she was sophomore class president?
Jenny- Libby would never show her face here.
Harvey- Maybe we could fake it. My dad says that Russia’s on their third Boris Yeltzin.
Jenny- Oh come on, you can’t fake a person.
Sabrina- Of course you can’t! Gotta go.
She quickly ducks out of the room.
Int. Senior Center outer hallway. Sabrina comes out of the main room and heads straight for one of the two phone kiosks across the hall.
Sabrina- (To herself) This is the worst thing I’ve ever had to do.
She points at herself and the transformation begins from the head down. Her hair turns from blonde to dark brown. Her body grows taller, her clothes sense becomes gaudy but expensive all the way down to her smart black shoes and odd coloured socks. It’s an exact duplicate of Libby that steps out of the kiosk. She looks at herself in the vanity mirror on the opposite wall.
She even sounds like her nemesis.
Int. The Senior Center. Sabrina in her Libby disguise walks in.
Sabrina- Alright, I’m here.
Harvey and Jenny’s eye’s almost pop out.
Harvey- What are you doing at the Senior Center?
Sabrina- I thought I’d drop by and improve your image.
Harvey- You're gonna help us?
Sabrina- Look, I know I’m completely shallow and self absorbed but every now and then I think of others.
Howard- All set. If you could stand together.
Sabrina- No problem.
She pushes her way between Jenny and Harvey and throws her arms round their shoulders.
Sabrina- (Cont.) How’s this?
Jenny- You mean next to you!
He takes the photo with Harvey and Libby beaming and Jenny with a look of utter disbelief on her face.
Sabrina- (To Howard) Now put that on the front page and remember, old people are the coolest. You can quote me on that.
Howard- I will, thanks Libby. What a scoop.
Sabrina- Now that the reporters gone I guess I’ll go to. Bye.
She flounces out leaving a totally bewildered Jenny and Harvey in her wake.
Jenny- Did you see that? Libby treated me like a human.
Harvey- I’m glad we took a picture because Sabrina’s gonna think we pulled a Yeltzin.
Sabrina enters back to her old self again.
Sabrina- Hey, what’s up?
Harvey- Libby was just here.
Sabrina- No? Well that aughta get kids involved.
Int. Westbridge High School hallway. Jenny runs weaving in and out of the students with a copy of the school newspaper hot off the presses and arrives at Sabrina’s locker.
Jenny- Sabrina look, the Senior Center photo made the front page.
Sabrina- Cool! Has Libby seen this?
A high pitched scream from down the hall answers that question. Her friends Jill and Cee Cee have made a point of showing it to her.
Libby- What is this?
Jill- A photo of you standing next to Jenny.
Libby- Oh, I would not. This is a fake, they must have put my face on someone else’s body. And not a very good one.
Cee Cee- Then it quotes you as saying ‘Old people are the coolest’
Libby- No, cheerleaders are the coolest.
She spots Harvey walking past and intercepts him.
Libby- (Cont.) Harvey, you were at the Senior Center. You didn’t see me there right?
Harvey- Libby, you did a good thing. Deal with it.
Libby- I’ve been framed.
She storms off with her friends in her wake.
Harvey- (To Sabrina) What’s with her? How can she not remember?
Sabrina- Isn’t it obvious? Libby has multiple personalities and we finally met the nice one.
The school bell rings.
Int. Science class. Harvey and Sabrina sit side by side.
Mr Pool- And today we are going to be studying sight and there’s more to this subject than meets the eye.
Libby- Mr Pool!
Mr Pool- Er yeah?
Libby- Before you begin I’d like to make an announcement to the class regarding the front page of the school newspaper.
Mr Pool- Oh, y’know what? I noticed that myself and may I say I was proud to have all three outstanding citizens in my class. Libby, Harvey, Jenny, you are the hope of America. Now lets hear it for these everyday hero’s huh?
He leads a round of applause that slowly dies down.
Mr Pool- (Cont.) Now er what was it you wanted to say Libby?
Sabrina- Ah, we’ll be at the Senior Center again today if anyone else wants to join us.
Libby- Us? I don’t recall seeing you there Sabrina.
Int. Spellman living room. Cousin It is practising the violin. Oops no it’s Hilda, the hair soup is really taking effect. Her long blond locks tumble about her face as she plays. Zelda enters through the front door.
Hilda stops playing and raises her head. She may have had a little too much soup, there’s hair growing where it shouldn’t on a girl.
Zelda- I see the hair spell kicked in.
Hilda flicks her hair back over her shoulder with her hand.
Hilda- I probably shouldn’t have had that second bowl of hair soup but I thought mutton chops would be nice for a change.
Zelda- You look like Gregg Allman.
Hilda- I’ll take that as a compliment. So how was your date with Rick?
Zelda- Oh, not so good. I’m starting to feel really weird about the age difference. I mean normally I don’t care about these things but Rick keeps bringing up stuff that makes me feel old.
Hilda- Like what?
Zelda- Oh he keeps talking about how he can’t wait for the turn of the century. Big deal, I’ve done that five times.
Hilda- Oh, and it’s always the same. I’ve partied like it was 1699, 1799, 1899, this time I’m staying home.
Zelda- Exactly. I think I’m going to brake off our relationship.
Hilda- Oh you haven’t even given him a chance.
Zelda- You grow a little facial hair and suddenly you're on his side.
Salem jumps over the back of the settee and lands between them. The hair soup has had it’s effect on him also. He’s a proper little fur ball.
Salem- Hey look at me, I’m a hippie cat.
Int. The Senior Center. There are one or two more people volunteered thanks to Sabrina’s fake Libby ploy and Sabrina sits with Nana who holds out a tin to her.
Nana- Try some fudge, Pete Sampras sent it to me.
Sabrina- And who sent you the turtles?
She points to a box of turtle shaped chocolates on the coffee table.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Chris O’Donnell?
Nana- No. (Laughs) Leonardo DiCaprio.
Sabrina- Mmm! Then I’ll have one of these.
As she’s about to bite into it she see two of the new recruits about to slip away.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh, excuse me I’ll be right back.
She jumps up and chases after Jill and Cee Cee.
Sabrina- Hey guys, where are you going? You’ve gotta pick out a Grandparent while they last.
Cee Cee- No thanks. We only came because we thought Libby would be here.
Jill- And she’s not, so we’re going.
Sabrina- But you can’t go, we need people and maybe Libby’ll come. In fact I’m sure Libby’ll come. Oh, I think I see her in the hall now.
She rushes out the door.
Int. Senior Center outer Hallway. Sabrina heads straight for the phone kiosks once more.
Sabrina- Oh man, not again.
Faster than Superman she changes and steps out as Libby, managing to trip over her own foot in the process.
Sabrina- Oh, stupid Libby!
Int. Senior Center. Sabrina enters and approaches Libby’s friends.
Sabrina- Hi guys.
Cee Cee- You made it!
Sabrina- Sabrina told me you were thinking of taking off?
Cee Cee- Old people are the coolest.
Sabrina- You got that right. Oh hey, there’s Jenny.
She gives a silly grin and a wave.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Hi Jenny, how’s it going?
Jenny waves back.
Sabrina looks around at Cee Cee and Jill and they both give Jenny a little wave. Then Sabrina walks over to the settee where Nana is still sat.
Sabrina- Nana, Sabrina had to run out for a minute so she asked me to take over. I’m Libby.
Nana- A pleasure to meet you. Turtle?
Meanwhile Harvey sits concentrating over the chess table with his new Grandfather. He watches closely as the grey haired gent makes a move.
Harvey- Mr Berry, are you sure you want to do that?
Mr Berry- I admit leaving my king unprotected is a somewhat risky strategy but er, I think I know what I’m doing.
Harvey- You beat me ten times in a row, I’m not going to argue with you.
Mr Berry sits back smiling as Harvey weighs up the possibilities. He moves his bishop up the board.
Harvey- (Cont.) Hey, checkmate!
Mr Berry- How about that?
Harvey- It’s time for a victory soda.
He turns to Libby.
Harvey- (Cont.) Libby!
Sabrina sticks her finger up her nose and starts bogie hunting before turning round.
Sabrina- Yeah Harvey?
Harvey- Can I... get you a soda?
Sabrina- Sure, I’d love a Ginger-Ale.
Int. Senior Center outer Hallway. Harvey enters rooting in his pocket for change and approaches the drinks machine. As he gets the drinks Libby walks round the corner, the real Libby.
Harvey- You must have been super-thirsty if you couldn’t wait for me to bring it back. Here you go.
He hands over a Ginger-Ale.
Libby- What’s this?
Harvey- It’s your soda.
Libby- Ginger-Ale, what kind of freak drink is that? I only drink diet.
Harvey- But you asked for this.
Libby- No I didn’t. Now move, I’ll get my own soda.
She hands back the Ginger-Ale and pushes past Harvey to the machine.
Harvey- Y’know, I think I liked your other personality better... Even if she does pick her nose.
Libby spins round at that but Harvey’s already gone.
Int. Senior Center. Harvey goes back to the chess table.
Harvey- Here, I’ve got another soda, do you want it?
Mr Berry- I never turn down a free drink.
He takes the can and Harvey sits back down. Sabrina gets up and goes over to him.
Sabrina- Harvey, where’s my soda?
Harvey- You said you didn’t want it.
Harvey- You called it a freak drink.
Sabrina- I would not!..... Yes *I* would. Gotta go.
She dashes for the door.
Int. Senior Center outer hallway. The drinks machine has stolen Libby’s money, She thumps it and gives it a kick not seeing Sabrina in her Libby disguise come out of the main room behind her.
Libby- Urgh! Stupid old peoples soda machine!
She gives it another kick. Sabrina shuffles quietly across the hall to the phone kiosks but the one she’s been using for her quick changes is in use. She check the other one but that also is being used. She slips back to the first one as Libby continues to try and bully a soda from the machine and opens the door. Then she physically pulls the old man out of the kiosk.
Sabrina- Sorry sir, I need the phone. If you have a problem with that my name is Libby. Shut the door!
The man shuts the door and walks away disgusted at the youth of today, what’s the world coming to? Sabrina quickly changes back to herself and steps out into the hallway just as a good kick produces a soda in the tray at the bottom of the machine.
Sabrina- Hi Libby, you made it.
Libby- This stupid machine gave me Ginger-Ale. I wont drink this.
Sabrina- I will.
She takes the soda.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Thanks.
She goes back into the Senior Center with Libby staring after her.
Int. Senior Center. Jill and Cee Cee are actually enjoying themselves sat on either arm of a chair talking to an old lady as Sabrina comes in followed a short time later by Libby.
Libby- Alright, I’m here! Isn’t anyone gonna say hi?
Jill- We already did.
Cee Cee- When you first came in.
Libby- I did just come in. This isn’t funny anymore.
She takes her two friends by the arm and pulls them away from the old lady.
Libby- (Cont.) And what are you doing with that old lady?
Sabrina- That’s the way the programme works. You select a grandparent and spend some time with them.
Libby- What’s the catch?
Sabrina- There isn’t a catch, you get the satisfaction of doing something nice for someone.
Libby turns towards the woman on the settee whose waving.
Libby- I guess I’ll go with her since she already seems to know me.
She walks over to join Nana, Jill and Cee Cee head back to the lady in the arm chair and Jenny comes over to Sabrina.
Jenny- Isn’t it great. Look, everyone has someone.
Sabrina- I know, it’s working better than I ever imagined.
Jenny- And it’s all thanks to Libby.
Jenny- You know, deep down she’s a really good person.
They look across at Libby as Nana shows her the scrap book, Libby looks excited.
Sabrina- I wouldn’t go that far. I mean, I’m sure Libby can be nice on rare occasions when I’m not around but most of the time Libby’s just... Libby.
Jenny- Oh Sabrina, if only you could have seen the way she waved at me.
Jenny goes off back to her Grandma.
Sabrina- But I did, it was like this.
She does a silly grin and a little wave behind Jenny’s back. Meanwhile Nana has been showing Libby a few of her close, personal friends.
Libby- You are not! I’m the worlds biggest Johnny Depp fan.
Sabrina walks over.
Sabrina- Hey, what’s up?
Libby blocks her way.
Libby- May we help you?
Sabrina- I just wanted to talk to Nana.
Libby- Oh I’m afraid that’s impossible. She’s my Nana now.
Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. She lies disconsolately face down on her bed and spots Hilda passing with a basket of laundry.
Sabrina- Aunt Hilda, have you got a sec?
Hilda turns away from the linen closet and Wow! she may have really over done the hair soup. Bushy sideburns were one thing but a full beard and mustache?
Sabrina- I have a problem.
Hilda- I’m yours, I always have time for girl talk.
Sabrina- This isn’t about boys, this is about Libby.
Hilda- Is she being mean again?
Sabrina- No, she’s being nice but it’s just as bad. You see Jenny and I started this adopt-a-Grandparent programme.
Hilda strokes her beard as she listens.
Sabrina- And then Libby got involved and now she’s queen of the Senior Center. Why does she always have to win?
Hilda- Sabrina, charities not a contest. It sounds like when Libby wins, everybody wins.
Sabrina- Not me, I lost! She stole my adopted Grandmother.
Hilda- Well then why don’t you get a new one?
Sabrina- Because all the good ones are taken.
Hilda- Just wait, people get old all the time and remember, virtue is it’s own reward.
Sabrina- Thanks for the advice. Now can I give you some?
Sabrina- Get some tattoo’s, you’ll work forever.
Int. Senior Center. Libby and Nana sit laughing together as Sabrina looks on.
Sabrina- It’s not fair, she was mine first.
She turns back to her new Grandmother whose fast asleep in her armchair. Sabrina talks to her anyway.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Not that I don’t enjoy getting to know you Mrs Hartle.
She picks up the huge hard back book that’s on the stand beside Mrs Hartle’s chair.
Sabrina- (Cont.) So, (reading) ‘James Michener’s Hawaii’ Now what’s this about?
She flips through the book. Meanwhile Harvey’s having a great time with His Granddad.
Harvey- You make it sound like so much fun Mr Berry. Why did they call it the depression?
Mr Berry- Not everybody liked apples as much as I did.
And across the room Libby hangs on Nana’s every word.
Libby- So tell me more about Ethan Hawke.
Nana- Oh, he’s a nice boy.
Libby- Does he ever come to visit?
Nana- when I call him.
Libby- Well, what are you waiting for?
Back with the sleeping Mrs Hartle, Sabrina’s getting way to deep into the ancient history of the Hawaiian islands.
Sabrina- (Reading) ‘Toys made from Taro root’ Isn’t that fascinating?
Mr Hartle- Zzzzzzz. Zzzzzz.
Sabrina- I’ll read on.
Int. The Senior Center outer hallway. Sabrina’s got her coat and is leaving, Libby’s having another go at the soda machine and spots her.
Libby- Hi Sabrina. I was just getting some sodas for me and Nana.
Sabrina- That’s nice, I’m going home.
Libby- So soon, why?
Sabrina- Well I’ve been here two hours and Mrs Hartle woke up just long enough to tell me why foreigners are ruining this country and then she went back to sleep.
Libby- Oh too bad. Nana and I are having the best time. In fact I think this project may turn out to be very rewarding. I should thank you for that Sabrina.
Sabrina- You're thanking me?
Libby- Well I’d better go back in now, I don’t want to keep *my* Nana waiting.
She turns for the door and in a fit of annoyance Sabrina turns her socks back to a matching pair of black ones. Libby exits without noticing.
Int. Spellman Living room. Hilda is at the front door taking a bouquet of flowers from a delivery guy.
Delivery Guy- Would you innitial here sir?
Hilda signs his clip board.
Hilda- Thank you, and it’s Ma’am.
She takes the flowers and closes the door. Zelda comes through from the kitchen.
Zelda- Who was that?
Hilda- More flowers.
Zelda- Huh, Rick is not giving up easily.
She takes them and finds a place for them amoung the veritable florists that is the Spellman living room.
Hilda- He is one determined young man... but not so young as to make a relationship impossible.
Zelda- They are beautiful aren’t they?
Hilda- Zeldy, do what you want but er, my female intuition tells me you still like this guy and if that’s true you shouldn’t let age get in the way. You're as young as you feel.
Zelda finally finds a place for the new flowers on the piano then turns to her sister.
Hilda- (Cont.) I’m six hundred and twelve, do I look it?
Zelda- Well, the beard makes you look older but you might be right. There’s a lot of stuff about Rick I like and maybe he’ll mature. I think I’ll call him.
She sets off to do just that then turns.
Zelda- (Cont.) Oh and Hilda. Thank you for caring.
Hilda- That’s what sisters are for.
They hug but as they part again.
Hilda- (Cont.) Oh wait! Oh! Aw!
Her beard hair is caught in the buttons of Zelda’s cardigan
Hilda- (Cont.) Oh! Aw! Don’t pull, aw!!
Int. Westbridge High School, Science class.
Mr Pool- And so the outer ear channels the sound waves to the ear-drum...
Libby whispers something to Jill beside her.
Mr Pool- (Cont.) ...which picks up the vibrations....
Jill leans forward and whispers to Cee Cee.
Mr Pool- (Cont.) ...Then three tiny bones in the middle ear...
Cee Cee leans over to the boy next to her and whispers to him.
Mr Pool- (Cont.) ...carry the movement to the cochleae...
The boy taps the shoulder of the girl in front and whispers to her.
Mr Pool- (Cont.) ...Which is filled with fluid and cells...
The girl leans across and whispers to the boy beside her.
Mr Pool- (Cont.) ...with tiny hairs that move and do you think I can’t hear you whispering? Come on, I’ve got three tiny bones in my ear. Now does someone want to tell me what this is all about?
The last student in the chain leans forward and whispers in Mr Pool’s ear.
Mr Pool- (Cont.) What! Libby’s gonna meet Ethan Hawke? How do you know him?
Libby- He’s a friend of a friend. You do a good deed, you get a little back.
Sabrina bursts into laughter but quickly stifles it. Libby glares across at her.
Mr Pool- What’s so funny?
Sabrina- Oh, um... the word cochleae.
Int. School hallway. Sabrina comes out of the classroom with Libby on her heals.
Libby- You were laughing at me in class weren’t you?
Sabrina- No I wasn’t.
Libby- Yes you were.
Sabrina- No I wasn’t.
Libby- Oh come on, I’ve laughed at enough people to know when I’m being laughed at.
Sabrina- Okay I was but just because I never thought you’d be so gullible.
Libby- Gullible? D’you wanna tell me what you mean by that?
She looks around at the passing students.
Libby- (Cont.) Quietly.
Sabrina- Lets see, how can I put this nicely? Oh, I can’t. Nana’s whacked! Look, she doesn’t know Pete, she doesn’t know Keanu, she doesn’t know Noah and she doesn’t know Brad.
Libby- Yes she does, I’ve seen the scrap book.
Sabrina- So have I, it’s all cut outs from magazines but have you seen any real proof?
Libby- She has a Johnny Pneumonic T-shirt.
Sabrina- Look, I fell for it to. I mean who wouldn’t... Until the DiCaprio turtles.
Libby reaches into the top pocket of her jacket and takes out a carefully wrapped chocolate turtle.
Libby- You mean Leonardo didn’t make this?
Sabrina- Eat it, let the sugar comfort you.
Libby- Then all the time I spent with Nana has been a total waste.
Sabrina- No, you made a dear old woman happy.
Libby- Oh please! If I could sue, I would.
She throws the chocolate turtle into a trash can.
Sabrina- Look, why don’t you just forget about it?
Libby- How? *It* was just announced to the whole class, which means *It* will spread to the entire school which is exactly what I wanted when I thought I was gonna meet Ethan.
Sabrina- Libby, you're getting all red.
Libby- I’m so humiliated. She’s not going to get away with this.
Sabrina- What is that supposed to mean?
Libby- After school I’m going to the Senior Center and rip Nana a new Afghan.
She storms off down the hall.
Sabrina- (Calling after) Look, leave her alone. Why don’t you take it out on me, you love doing that.
Int. The Senior Center, after school. Libby barges in raging and throwing both doors back, everyone turns at the commotion.
Libby- I wanna talk to you!
Nana- Libby, what a pleasant surprise.
Libby- Sit down Nana, if that is your real name.
Nana- What’s wrong, you seem upset.
Libby- I am upset. You said I was going to meet Ethan Hawke.
Nana- Well.. you're not.
Libby- So you lied to me.
Nana- Oh that’s a little harsh. In my day we called them tall tails.
Libby- You have no idea what you have done do you?
Nana- Not really.
Libby- I’m going to be teased about this for weeks and then again every time a new Ethan Hawke movie comes out. I mean my only hope is his career takes a total nose dive, which means I have to root against him and I really cared.
Libby- Sorry’s not enough! You did a number on me. I hope you're happy you lying, sad, pathetic old woman!
She turns and storms out as she stormed in. Nana jumps up and goes after her.
Nana- Libby! Libby! Libby!
Libby doesn’t stop.
Int. The Senior Center outer hallway. Libby comes out and goes straight round the corner. Nana follows her out.
Nana- (Calling after) I never meant to hurt you.
But Libby’s gone. Nana turns with a big smile on her face.
Nana- (Cont.) Ooow! She was mad.
She has a quick look around to make sure the hallway is empty then does a little happy dance and in the process of it transforms back to an all dancing all smiles Sabrina. A second later the real Nana comes round the corner.
Nana- Sabrina, you were right. I thoroughly enjoyed my walk.
Sabrina- Well, a little fresh air always does one good.
Nana- So is it just you and me or will Libby be stopping by?
Sabrina- Er, I don’t think you’ll see her around here again. She... made up with her real Grandmother.
Nana- Oh that’s nice. Oh I’ll miss her, she’s such a sweet girl.
Sabrina- Nana, you an excellent judge of character.
Nana- Hey, do you wanna catch a movie?
Sabrina- Sure, we’ll go and see one of your friends. I think Ethan Hawke has a new movie out.
Nana- U-hu, he called.
She links her arm with Sabrina and they walk off down the hallway.
Sabrina- Oh, what did he say?
Nana- He asked all about you.
They go round the corner laughing.
Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina enters through the back door with her nap sack on her shoulder.
Hilda- Hey, where have you been?
Sabrina- Nana and I went to see the new Ethan Hawke movie and its going to be huge. Hey, you shaved your beard.
Hilda- Yeah, the up keep was too much and the weirdest guys kept coming on to me.
Zelda- (OS) Ha-ha-ha! you're nuts.
Sabrina- Who’s aunt Zelda with?
Hilda- Rick. The younger man is back in the picture.
Sabrina- I’ve got to check this out.
Int. Spellman living room. Zelda sits on the settee with Rick as the sliding doors to the dining room open.
Sabrina- Pardon me.
Rick turns to see who it is.
Sabrina- Mr Berry!
Mr Berry- Sabrina!
Zelda- You know each other?
Mr Berry- Yes, from the Senior Center. What a small world.
Zelda- Sabrina is my niece.
Mr Berry- You look too young to be her aunt.
Zelda- Oh Rick.
They hold hands.
Sabrina- I’ll leave you two alone.
The sliding doors slide shut again.
Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina enters.
Sabrina- Hey Salem, d’you wanna whoa! What happened to you?
Salem sits on her bed, his tail lazily flipping from side to side. It’s the only thing that still looks like a cat. The rest looks like a long black wig having a very, very bad hair day.
Salem- Too much soup. Groom me. Please groom me. (Sob)
Int. Spellman upstairs landing. The next morning. Zelda stands in front of the linen closet folding... well linen. Hilda comes up the stairs.
Hilda- Hey Zelda, did you have some of the tuna, noodle casserole I put in the fridge last night?
Zelda- No. Why?
Hilda- Somebody took a big chunk out of it.
Zelda- I’d check with Salem.
Hilda- Right, Tuna. Well he’ll regret that, I threw in the left over soup.
Zelda- You didn’t?
Hilda- Yes. I know it has horrible side effects but I just hate throwing away food.
Sabrina’s bedroom door opens and she comes out in her dressing gown.
Sabrina- Good morning.
Her aunts stare at her with raised eye brows.
Sabrina- (Cont.) What? What?!
Hilda- (To Zelda) Not Salem.
Sabrina raises her hand to her face and her fingers brush the whiskers of her neat blonde goatee beard and matching tash. She lets out a scream of shock and dashes back into her room.