Sabrina, The Teenage Witch
The Great Mistake
Written By - Jon Sherman
Transcribed By - Paul Booth
Sabrina - Melissa Joan Hart
Hilda - Caroline Rhea
Zelda - Beth Broderick
Salem - Nick Bakay
Harvey - Nate Richert
Jenny - Michelle Beaudoin
Mr Pool - Paul Feig
Principle Larue - Tom McGowan
Salesman - Wayne Duvall
Young Hilda - Aria Noelle Curzon
Young Zelda - Mika Boorem
Benvolio - Brian Green
Witch Cop - Pancho Demmings
Parole Officer - Richard Grove
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the ABC Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.
Int. Spellman upstairs landing. Sabrina holds Salem in her arms. He wears a collar and tie. Hilda and Zelda are also lending him their support on his big day.
Zelda- And remember Salem, look your parole officer in the eye.
Salem- Right, I don't wanna be a cat for the next seventy five years.
Sabrina- You'll do fine and we're all pulling for you.
Salem- That helps. How's my breath?
He breaths out and Sabrina has a sniff.
Sabrina- Fresh but not mediciney.
Zelda- You'd better go, you don't wanna be late.
She holds the closet door open for him.
Salem- Wish me luck.
Sabrina, Zelda and Hilda- (Together) Good luck.
He jumps down from Sabrina's arms and pads into the closet.
Int. Parole officer's office. Salem sits in the chair in front of the desk as the officer gets Salem's file and sits opposite.
Parole officer- Nice to see you again Salem.
Salem- It's nice to see you Mr Grey and may I say you're looking trim. Have you lost weight?
Parole officer- Don't push it. Okay, I've been reviewing your file and I'm pleased with your progress. Enjoying your life as a cat?
Parole officer- Any urinary tract problems?
Parole officer- Giving back to the community?
Parole officer- Gotten any strays in trouble?
Parole officer- Still wanna take over the world?
Salem- Yes. Wait, no, I meant no. Noooo! (Sob)
Int. Spellman upstairs landing. The linen closet activates signalling Salem's return. Sabrina and her aunts wait anxiously and Zelda opens the door for him. He pads in.
Sabrina- How'd it go?
Salem- Don't ask.
Run opening credits.
Int. Sabrina's bedroom. Sabrina's finishing up her biology homework project.
Sabrina- What do you think Salem? Does this look like the cross section of a cell?
Salem- Looks like you cut a styrafoam ball in half and painted on it.
Sabrina- I did but. What do you know about biology anyway?
The linen closet door-bell rings.
Sabrina- I'll get it!
Int. Spellman upstairs landing. Sabrina answers the door to a smiling man in a large check suit and a bowler hat, he tips his hat.
Salesman- Afternoon miss, are you the lady of the house?
Sabrina- I'm one of them. Can I help you?
Salesman- Question is can I help you. Allow me to introduce myself, I'm Linus James, ?*Skinsits*? Quality Witch Wear.
He whips out a card from his top pocket and hands it to Sabrina.
Sabrina- You're selling something aren't you?
The salesman comes in, sets up a portable table and puts his carpet bag on top.
Salesman- O-ho, only the finest and most enchanting enchanted items you'll find in any realm. Now might I interest you in some snake oil?
He pulls out a bottle of oil from the bag and holds it up.
Sabrina- What does it do?
Salesman- What do you want it to do? A-ha, just kidding of course. It's guaranteed to keep your snake slick, slippery and completely squeak free.
Sabrina- Sorry, we don't have any squeaky snakes.
Salesman- Well perhaps you'd like the Encyclopedia Micronica?
He pulls out thirteen volumes from his bag, the whole lot is no more than nine inches high. Sabrina takes one of the tiny books and opens it
Sabrina- Well it's kinda hard to read.
Salesman- Oh, that's why I also sell Giganto Glasses. Here, put em on.
Sabrina takes the glasses and slips them on.
Salesman- (Cont.) Every word is six feet tall.
Sabrina- Wow! That's a big 'M'.
Zelda comes upstairs to see whats going on.
Zelda- Sabrina, who's at the closet?
Sabrina- It's a salesman.
Salesman- Why who is this lovely lady? I bet you have to beat them off with a stick and I have just the thing for that.
He reaches into his bag and starts to pull out a big stick, he pulls and he pulls and more and more of the stick keeps on coming.
Salesman- (Cont.) The Amaze-o-stick.
Zelda- We are not interested.
Salesman- Well, how about a tomorrow ball?
He pulls a crystal ball from the bag.
Salesman- (Cont.) Ask it any questions and see your tomorrow today.
Sabrina- Hey, I could really use that.
Zelda- No, thank you.
She takes the crystal from him and puts it back in the bag, she closes the bag and pushes the salesman towards the closet.
Zelda- (Cont.) We don't need your tomorrow balls, or you amaze-o-sticks, or any of your other fine products. Now good bye.
Salesman- Ninety years, same as cash.
Zelda closes the door on him.
Sabrina- What d'you do that for?
Zelda- Sabrina, don't be taken in by those cheap magic tricks, they never work.
Sabrina- But he made that ball sound so cool.
Zelda- The best way to see tomorrow is by going to bed tonight.
Sabrina- I can't until I finish my biology project.
Zelda- Then I suggest you work on that.
Zelda goes back down stairs, Sabrina goes back into her bedroom and closes the door. It remains closed for just a second or two to make sure Zelda is gone then re-opens. Sabrina sneaks back to the closet door and opens it to find the salesman still stood there with the tomorrow ball in his hand and a big smile on his face.
Sabrina- How much for the tomorrow ball?
Salesman- Five hundred coin of the realm or three bucks American.
She hands over the cash, he hands over the tomorrow ball.
Salesman- Pleasure doing business with you.
Sabrina heads back to her room, the salesman pulls the closet door too.
Salesman- (Under his breath) There's one in every house.
Int. Sabrina's bedroom. Sabrina sits at her table and puts the crystal down.
Salem- What have you got there?
Sabrina- A tomorrow ball. Let's see if it works.
She waves her hands over the crystal.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Oh tomorrow ball, what grade will I get on my project?
The crystal clears to reveal Mr Pool holding Sabrina's project in front of the class.
Mr Pool- 'A' minus.
Sabrina- 'A' minus. Good enough.
But Salem's noticed something odd about the image.
Salem- But why is Mr Pool wearing a catholic school girls uniform?
Sabrina- I have seen the future, but I don't understand it.
Int. Westbridge High School Hallway. Sabrina's at her locker with her science project as Harvey comes up.
Harvey- Hey Sabrina.
Harvey- What's that?
Sabrina- My science project.
Sabrina- What's that supposed to mean?
Harvey- Er. my books are slipping.
He juggles his books convincingly before dropping them. Jenny comes up excited.
Jenny- Check it out. I got the tickets!
Sabrina- Smashing Pumpkins, tonight! Our lives are twelve hours from being perfect.
Harvey- Did you hook me up?
Jenny- You know it.
She hands out the tickets.
Sabrina- Harvey, I thought your parents said no more concerts after the Metallica incident?
Harvey- Yeah, they think they're forcing me to stay in but really they're just forcing me sneak out.
Sabrina- You're going to sneak out, what if you get caught?
Harvey- They'll ground me but it's okay, I don't have anything to do next weekend.
There's a wolf whistle down the hallway as Mr Pool comes round the corner dressed in a blazer, kilt and knee socks. He whistles to himself as he strides past Sabrina's locker.
Jenny- Mr Pool's got legs.
Sabrina- Now I understand.
Harvey- You do? Then explain it to me.
Int Biology class.
Mr Pool- Thank you for your projects. Now I'm sure you're all curious about my duds, it's Scottish pride day. Now have ye any questions aboot Scotland?
Stoney silence is the reply from the class.
Mr Pool- (Cont.) Okay, then back to science.
Harvey- I have a question.
Mr Pool- Yes?
Harvey- Who are some famous Scotsmen?
Mr Pool- Ha! Well there's er William Wallace, you know him as Mel Gibson. Er Mary Queen of Scots, no big surprise there, and Doctor Ian Wilmott, the guy who cloned the sheep. Any other questions?
Sabrina- Er, can you do one of those jigs?
Mr Pool- A jig? Please, that's a silly Irish dance, we Scots do the highland fling.
He starts dancing and skipping down the isle to imaginary bagpipes as principle Larue walks past out side. He stops and does a double take before entering the classroom.
Principle Larue- What's going on here?
Mr Pool- Oots mon, the principle.
Principle Larue- I thought this was a science class.
Mr Pool- It's Scottish er, erm pride.. day.
Principle Larue- I don't care if it's dress like your aunt Sally day. This is inappropriate behaviour for a biology teacher, I want you in my office after school and no more dancing.
Mr Pool- Yes sir.
The principle turns to leave.
Principle Larue- Hey kids, nice to see you.
Int. School hallway later. Principle Larue walks with Mr Pool.
Principle Larue- Look I'm French but do you see me wearing a beret and dancing the can-can?
Mr Pool- No.
Principle Larue- That's right. See you tomorrow, and put on some slacks.
He leaves and Sabrina comes over from her locker.
Sabrina- Don't worry Mr Pool, I like your purse.
Mr Pool- It's a Sporran, and do you have a minute? I need to talk to you.
Int. Biology class, it's empty as Sabrina and Mr Pool enter.
Mr Pool- Have a seat.
He picks up Sabrina's project from his desk and brings it over.
Mr Pool- (Cont.) It's about your cell project.
Sabrina- Let me guess, 'A' minus right? I know I could have knocked myself out and gone for an 'A' but I just....
Mr Pool- (Interrupting) You got a 'C'.
Mr Pool- This is not the kind of work I'm used to seeing from you. Look, you left out the Midrocondria, it's the power house of the cell.
Sabrina- I didn't mean to. I don't believe this, y'know tomorrow looked a lot better yesterday.
Mr Pool- Why don't you try it again, take-take the weekend and do it over.
Sabrina- Thank you Mr Pool, I totally, completely, really, really appreciate this.
Int. Spellman living room. Zelda is rooting around in the cupboard under the stairs in her tennis whites, she throws tennis balls over her shoulder.
Zelda- Balls, balls, balls, balls
Hilda comes in from the kitchen.
Hilda- What's going on, it sounds really interesting?
She sees Zelda kneeling on the floor surrounded by tennis balls.
Hilda- (Cont.) Oh, that's all?
Zelda- I can't find my tennis racket. Have you seen it?
Hilda- No but you can borrow mine if you promise to give it back.
Zelda- I will.
Hilda- I keep it in the piano bench.
She walks over to the piano and lifts the seat to take out the racket and hand it to Zelda.
Hilda- (Cont.) Here.
Zelda- Thanks. Wait, this is my tennis racket.
Hilda- No it's not.
Zelda- Then why is there a 'Z' on it.
The 'Z' pattern is in the strings of the racket.
Hilda- Because I once lost a set to Zorro?
Zelda- I am sick of this, for centuries you've been taking my things and you never return them.
Hilda- What haven't I returned?
Zelda- Lets see.
She raises her hand and a long scroll appears in it, She unrolls it and starts from the top.
Zelda- (Cont.)(Reading) Crossbow, Juggling clubs, Ming candy dish.
Hilda- (Interrupting) You kept a list?
Zelda- Since 1542.
Hilda takes the list from her sister.
Hilda- Let me see that. (Reading) Shepherds crook? Cotton gin? I have no idea where any of this stuff is.
Zelda- Well I suggest you find it because I want it all back....
Hilda- That is so like you....
Zelda- ...How many centuries can you go on....
Hilda- ...What use do you have for a...
Zelda- ...being irresponsible and inconsiderate..
The front door opens and closes.
Zelda- (Cont.) You're lucky Sabrina's home.
Sabrina- I thought magic was supposed to make my life easier.
Hilda- What happened?
Sabrina- The tomorrow balls a big fat lier.
Zelda- You bought a tomorrow ball? I warned you about those.
Sabrina- Yeah, yeah you're always warning me. Anyway it told me I was going to get an 'A' minus on my science project.
Hilda- And what did you get?
Sabrina- (Under her breath) A 'C'.
Sabrina- Look don't panic, Mr Pool gave me another chance so I'll work on it all day tomorrow.
Hilda- What's wrong with right now?
Sabrina- I have to get ready for the Smashing Pumpkins concert.
She heads for the stairs and her aunts look at each other before coming to a joint decision without any other communication they both point at there niece who comes to a screeching halt and turns.
Sabrina- (Cont.) What?
Hilda- You're not going to a concert.
Zelda- You showed poor judgement in trusting that tomorrow ball, that was a major mistake.
Sabrina- But I told you all about it, don't I get points for that?
Hilda- Yes, which is why we're grounding you for just one weekend.
Int. Sabrina's bedroom, Sabrina's sat at her desk sulking and feeling sorry for herself. Salem sits on the bed grooming himself.
Sabrina- I don't believe this, I'm missing the Smashing Pumpkins.
Salem- Bummer T Jones the third.
Sabrina- It's not fair, I was set up by a novelty item.
She picks up the crystal and takes it over to her wardrobe.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Lousy, cheap, magic oracle piece of enchanted garbage.
She puts it out of site in the wardrobe but spots something in doing so.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Vacuum cleaner!
Salem- The flying vacuum cleaner!
She gets out the handy household implement. Salem's sensitive nose sniffs the air.
Salem- (Cont.) Is that a plan I smell?
Sabrina- Maybe. I mean what's worse, sneaking out of the house or letting row double 'J', seat one twenty-six go to waste?
Salem- I think we both know the answer to that. I'll be downstairs creating a distraction, set it on whisper.
He jumps down from the bed and leaves.
Sabrina- (To herself) Okay, I've got my ticket, I'll take my chances. No risk, no rock.
She points at her window and climbs onto the vacuum. The windows spring wide open and Sabrina lifts off into the night sky above Westbridge.
The lights of Westbridge twinkle below as Sabrina banks her vacuum towards down town
Sabrina- Billy Corgan here I come.
But she's not the only one out cruisin' the night on a vacuum. The witch traffic cop slips in behind her and flicks on his lights and siren
Witch Cop- Pull your vehicle over.
Sabrina- Oh no.
She slips her vacuum into super suck and tries to lose the law.
Witch Cop- I said pull your vehicle over.
Sabrina- What do I do? I'm in so much trouble.
Int. Spellman Conservatory. The sound of the siren has alerted the sisters and they come out to see whats going on as the witch cop brings Sabrina in pushing her vacuum.
Witch Cop- Does this belong to you?
Hilda- Sabrina, what's going on?
Witch Cop- I caught her over Brooklyn flying with a full bag and trailing a lot of dust. That warrants an emissions citation but when I attempted to pull her over she took off.
Her aunts gasp in shock.
Sabrina- I was looking for a well lit area.
Zelda- We thought you were upstairs doing your science homework.
Sabrina- I was... until I wasn't.
Witch Cop- Look, I'll let you go with a warning this time but be careful. There's a lot of sad stories out there in the dark night sky.
Sabrina- Consider me warned.
She goes into the kitchen.
Zelda- Thank you officer.
Witch Cop- Good night, and fly safe.
Int. Spellman kitchen. Sabrina sits on a stool waiting for the axe to fall as Hilda and Zelda enter from the conservatory. They stand stiff faced before their wayward niece and Zelda puts down the vacuum with a thump. No one says anything for a few seconds until Sabrina looks up at them with an ingenious smile.
Zelda- Sabrina, I think you owe us an explanation.
Hilda- What were you thinking?
Sabrina- I don't know! I feel so... low.
As though triggered by the words something very strange begins to happen to Sabrina. At first she thinks her aunts and the room are growing but soon realises that it's her thats shrinking. She shrinks smaller and smaller.
Sabrina- (Cont.) What's happening! What are you doing?
To her relief the shrinking finally stops before she disappears all together but it leaves her only six inches tall on top of a two foot high stool.
Zelda- It's not us.
Hilda- You're small because you feel small.
Sabrina- How do I get big again?
Hilda- You wont, until you feel better about yourself.
Zelda- Now why don't you go to your room and think about what you've done?
They turn to leave, but one glance down by Sabrina tell's her something. Getting down off the stool without breaking her neck would be a feat in itself, let alone getting to her room.
Sabrina- (Calling after) Okay, but could you help me? It'll take me days to get up the stairs.
Int. Sabrina's bedroom. Zelda carefully carries the tiny Sabrina into the room and puts her down on top of her desk.
Sabrina- Gentle aunt Zelda.
Zelda- There you go, right next to your science project.
Sabrina- I'm really sorry about what I did.
Zelda- We know, we'll discus it later.
They leave. Sabrina stands on her desk for a moment looking at the closed door.
Sabrina- What a huge mistake. (Sob)
She goes over to her piece of rag that she uses to clean her paint brushes and wipes her tearful eyes and blows her nose.
Later. Hilda and Zelda tap on the door and let themselves in.
Zelda- Sabrina, can we come in?
They see the desk but no sign of Sabrina.
Hilda- Oh no, she's gone again.
Sabrina- No I'm not, I'm on the bed.
Hilda- How'd you get over here?
Sabrina- Salem carried me in his mouth.
Salem- It took all my self control not to eat her.
Zelda- You're still small. We thought you'd be feeling bigger by now.
Sabrina- No. I think I'm going to be six inches tall for the rest of my life.
Hilda- You know, it's not a good idea to go to bed tiny.
Sabrina- But I really messed up.
Zelda- The important thing is that you learn from your mistakes, we all make them.
Hilda- Except Zelda, she's perfect.
Zelda- Even I make mistakes, although it's been a while.
Sabrina- Hey, maybe you guys can tell me about some of your mess up's? It might make me feel better.
Salem- Ooh, ooh! Me first. Let me tell you about how I went from man to cat in one dumb move.
Int. Salem's recollection. The Take over the world planning room. A map of the world is on the table with lots of black flags with Salem written on them. Revolutionaries stand around the table in army fatigues and berets. Salem outlines his plan.
Salem- Our first plan of attack is to take Madagaska.
A cheer goes up from his followers.
Salem- (Cont.) It works in Risk, it'll work for us.
Hilda- Cream and sugar?
She moves around the revolutionaries with a tea tray.
Salem- Can we focus?
Salem- Follow me and I promise I will be the most benevolent dictator the world has ever seen. Did I say dictator? I meant leader. The time is now! Witch power.
The revolutionaries takes up the chant.
Revolutionaries- Witch power! Witch power.
The door to the planning room burst open and a witch SWAT team piles in.
Hilda- Oh no, the witch fuzz! We're busted!
Witch Cop- The party's over Salem. You're under arrest for conspiracy to dominate the world.
Salem- But we're a non-profit organisation, we meet to discuss new ways of thinking. (Sob)
Salem is dragged away to a cat's life.
Int. Sabrina's bedroom.
Salem- So I was sentenced to a hundred years behind whiskers.
Hilda- At least you have a nice home.
Zelda- Rent free I might add.
Sabrina- So how did you guys end up with Salem?
Zelda- That's Hilda's fault, I mean story.
Hilda- Forgive me. I was young and idealistic and I thought Salem might actually pull it off.
Sabrina- You were one of his followers?
Hilda- Yes, I was on the refreshment committee.
Sabrina- So, They turned Salem into a cat but how were you punished?
Hilda- I have to keep him worm free for a century.
Sabrina- Whoa! D'you know what's just dawned on me? You guys had lives before I got here. This is amazing, we have a lot of catching up to do. So, were you ever kids?
Hilda- Yes, although it was back in the fourteenth century. There were no phones, no TV's, things were very different.
Int. Hilda's recollection Fourteenth century Europe, the precocious eight year old Zelda is giving a lecture to a group of torch holding peasants. Her sister stands on the old box beside her.
Young Zelda- Behold the abacus.
Young Hilda- Behold the blabacus.
Young Zelda- Quiet!
Young Hilda- Why are we doing this?
Young Zelda- To enlighten the masses. (To the crowd) The abacus is a modern instrument for performing arithmetic calculations. Developed by the greatest scientific minds...
Hilda stands beside her making a yak, yak, yak hand gesture.
Young Zelda- (Cont.) ..of the, Oy, cut it out!
Young Hilda- I wasn't doing anything.
Young Zelda- You always go for the cheap laugh.
Young Hilda- I do not,
Young Zelda- I'm sick and tired of your pathetic attempts to get attention. Now can I get back to my abacus? (To the crowd) Each lower bead equals one, each upper bead equals five.
Young Hilda- Can I see that?
She reaches across and takes it from Zelda and clutches it to herself.
Young Hilda- (Cont.) My abacus!
She runs off with it.
Young Zelda- No it's mine, it's mine. She always takes my stuff.
And she runs after her sister.
Int. Sabrina's bedroom.
Hilda- In retrospect, things weren't really different at all.
Zelda- Where's the list? I wanna put Abacus on it.
Sabrina- This is so much fun. Tell me more, have you always been a musician and a scientist?
Hilda- No, I've bounced from job to job for centuries.
Zelda- It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to do to.
Sabrina- So what was the worst job you ever had?
Hilda- Hard to say. Blacksmith, Donkey walker. Oh, I'd have to go with deep sea fisherman.
Ext. Hilda's recollection. She's out on a raging sea in a small row boat wearing a souwester. She looks out with her hand shading her eyes.
Hilda- Halibut ho! Hard to starboard!
The boat turns and a huge wave crashes over them, she splutters.
Hilda- The other starboard, kelp head.
Int. Sabrina's bedroom.
Hilda- It was awful. Chapped lips, salt water, bad combination.
Sabrina- It's your turn aunt Zelda, what was your worst job?
Zelda- I think it was back when I lived in Wales and I tried my hand at coal mining.
Int. Zelda's recollection. It's the pits, literally. She works at the coal face loading the wagon wearing a hard hat and light. There's a canary in a cage beside her.
Zelda- Ah, I told you if we went deep enough we'd find a seam Gwynig. (To the canary) How ya doin' chirpy?
Chirpy swings a couple of times on his little swing then keels over backwards.
Zelda- Chirpy? Canary's dead, lets get out of here. Oh push Aardvark, push.
The miners run for it pushing the coal wagon with Zelda in it with them.
Int. Sabrina's bedroom.
Zelda- I still can't get my fingernails clean.
Hilda- But Zelda, I thought you said your worst job was...
Zelda- (Interrupting) Let's not bring that up.
Sabrina- Yes let's, please let's, what did you do?
Zelda- It was the one time Hilda and I worked together. The West was still wild and there were only two ways to make money. Law enforcement and show biz.
Int. Zelda's recollection. The saloon was jumpin', a cowboy is smashed over the head with a whisky bottle, the audience whoops and holler's as the Spellman Sisters take the stage.
Zelda- Thank you, thank you for that warm Buzzard Gulch welcome.
A whisky bottle whizzes past Hilda's ear and smashes on the piano.
Hilda- Enough patter.
Zelda- Our first number is one of our er favourite songs.
Hilda- And we hope you'll like it to.
Hilda starts the lively intro as Zelda kicks her legs up.
Zelda- (Singing) Oh I come from Alabama with a banjo on my knee, Oh I'm going to Louisiana my true love for to see. Oh Suzanne oh don't you cry for me.
By now the stage is being pelted with glasses and playing cards and anything else the booing, drunken crowd can find.
Int. Sabrina's bedroom.
Zelda- We made two bits that night.
Hilda- And then they ran us out of town. Fortunately we figured out the secret to financial security.
Sabrina- What secret?
Hilda- (To Zelda) Should we let her in on it?
Zelda nods yes.
Hilda- The secret is.. junk. Hold on to anything long enough and it will become valuable.
Zelda- We just sold our old pewter dishes to the Smithsonian for an obscene amount of money.
Hilda- And do you know what's going to keep us in cruises during our golden years? Plaid thermos's in mint condition.
Sabrina- Okay, we've covered jobs, money. Now let's get to the good stuff. Your love lives.
The sister's cringe slightly at that one but agree to tell her with one proviso.
Zelda- All right but first, Salem, out.
Salem- Fine, I'll leave you girls alone. I have to use the box anyway.
Sabrina- Okay, so how old were you when you had your first kiss?
Hilda- (Under her breath) Forty-eight.
Sabrina- And have either of you ever been married?
Zelda- Sabrina, that might not be the best...
Hilda- (Interrupting) It's all right, I can talk about it. As you know I was engaged to Drell. The wedding was all planned, I had the Acropolis, a maid of honour, a fantastic caterer. The only thing I didn't have was.. Drell.
Int. Hilda's recollection. The Acropolis. Hilda stands in her wedding gown, the priest of Zeus stands ready to take the vows. Zelda stands as maid of honour and looks at the sun dial.
Zelda- He's five minutes late.
Hilda- He'll be here.
The shadow moves around the dial.
Zelda- He's an hour late.
Hilda- He'll be here.
The shadow on the sun dial moves round some more.
Zelda- It's getting cold.
Hilda- Alright, lets go.
Zelda- Hilda, I'm sorry.
Hilda- Don't be. Come on.
As they walk away hilda points angrily over her shoulder, an explosion of magical power topples the Acropolis.
Int. Sabrina's bedroom.
Sabrina- So that's why it's in ruins.
Hilda- Fortunately history has blamed the Turks.
Sabrina- And how about you aunt Zelda, have you ever been married?
Hilda- Never, she's too picky.
Zelda- Actually, I have.
Hilda- What! When? Why didn't I know about this?
Zelda- I don't tell you everything.
Sabrina- Tell me, tell me.
Zelda- I was living in Florence during the renascence and I met a guy.
Int. Zelda's recollection. Zelda sits in a candle lit room doing her needlework. she hears someone enter.
Benvolio- In the flesh.
He comes over with his lute and sporting a nice line in purple tights.
Zelda- What are you doing here?
Benvolio- I cannot stay away from thee Zelda.
Zelda- Oh, I miss thee to, but what if someone sees us? My father doth not like thee much.
Benvolio- Is he near?
Zelda- Nay, he tarries at the Bear baiting.
Benvolio- Odds bodkins, I'm in luck. I wrote a song for thee, shall I strum?
Benvolio- (Singing) Alas my love you do me wrong to cast me out discourteously. When I have loved you so long, delighting in your company.
As he strums and sings he props his foot on the back of Zelda's couch and inadvertently gooses her, She jumps but quite likes it.
Benvolio- (Cont.)(Singing) Green sleeves is all my joy and who but my lady green sleeves. A work in progress.
Zelda- Benvolio, I love it.
Benvolio- Well you wore green sleeves yesterday.
Zelda- It's beautiful.
Benvolio- Oh beauty pales in your wake.
He gets down on one knee and takes her hand.
Benvolio- (Cont.) Marry me?
Zelda- Oh, thou playest me like a lute. Yea, I will marry you.
Benvolio- Howzer! Come, I know a chapel in the field of mare, they're open all night.
Zelda- Oh this is crazy.
The lovers run off together.
Int. Sabrina's bedroom.
Zelda- It lasted three days. Musicians!
Hilda- I can't believe you never told me about Benvolio.
Zelda- It wasn't that big a deal.
Hilda- Not a big deal! It means you made a mistake, you're not perfect. This is the greatest night of my life.
Zelda- I'll get the camera. Maybe we should let Sabrina get some sleep.
Sabrina- No, I wanna ask more questions.
Zelda- Alright. one more.
Sabrina- Okay, it should be important, did you guys ever make your own sausage? No, wait, I can do better. How did you guys decide to let me come live with you?
Zelda- Oh well that was an easy decision. See we knew you'd be comming into your powers soon.
Hilda- And with your mother in Peru and your father in a book, we thought the best place for you would be here.
Int. Hilda and Zelda's recollection. The aunts arrive home from the ballet dressed to the nines.
Hilda- I can't believe Sabrina arrives in two weeks.
Zelda- I know, I spent the whole second act thinking about it.
Hilda fits the key in the front door but it's opened by one of the servants.
Hilda- Good evening Silvio.
The dark, handsome Silvio takes Hilda's cape.
Hilda- (Cont.) Thanks.
Zelda- I mean, as strange as it seems we may be the closest thing she has to a normal home.
Silvio takes her coat also.
Hilda- True. We're witches but we're suburban witches.
Another devilishly handsome servant comes over with a tray of champagne.
Hilda- (Cont.) Just hope we're not getting in over our heads.
Zelda- Sabrina's spent the last five summers with us.
Hilda- What if we make a mistake and ruin her whole life?
Zelda- We wont.
They clink champagne glasses and move into the dinning room. The drinks servant stands by the doors
Zelda- Derek, I'll have my massage later.
He nods as she passes.
The supper table is laid out and candle lit.
Hilda- Yea, Caviar, my favourite.
Another hunk of servant holds their seats for them as they sit at each end of the table.
Zelda- Now you do realise once Sabrina's here we'll have to make a few changes.
Hilda- Like what?
Zelda- No more late nights on the town, no more weekends in Tuscany.
Hilda- No more Formula 1 racing?
Zelda- Too risky.
Hilda- Hey, we can turn the second floor disco into her bedroom.
The servant stood beside her looks disappointed at that suggestion.
Hilda- (Cont.) Don't pout Lance.
Zelda- Which reminds me. There's something else we'll have to give up.
Hilda- You mean.
Zelda- I'm afraid so.
She rings a small silver bell on the table and Silvio and Derek join Lance in the dinning room.
Zelda- (Cont.) Silvio, Lance. Derek. We need to talk.
The three Handsome servants look at each other and lower there heads pouting.
Int. Sabrina's bedroom.
Sabrina- But! But! But why'd you get rid of them?
Zelda- We thought servants might spoil you. We wanted to teach you responsibility.
Hilda- And to respect men.
Sabrina- But you gave up so much. Seems like taking me in was the biggest mistake you've ever made.
Hilda- Don't say that! We love having you live with us.
Zelda- And we have never regretted it for one moment.
She suddenly clutches her stomach as a disconcerting feeling starts deep within her.
Sabrina- Hey, I feel something bubbling.
Zelda- (To Hilda) Stand back.
Sure enough Sabrina starts to grow, it's not the most pleasant experience of her life.
Sabrina- Aaawwooooo! Hey, I'm normal size again.
Hilda- Is that it? I could have sworn you were taller.
Zelda- I'm glad you're feeling bigger.
Sabrina- Me to. Anyway I appreciate you guys telling me all those story's about all the weird stuff you've done. It made me realise how lucky I am to live with such cool aunts.
They have a three way hug.
Sabrina- (Cont.) Thanks for everything. Am I still grounded?
Hilda and Zelda- (Together) Yes.
Sabrina- I knew that.
Int. Spellman Kitchen. Zelda works on her computer, Hilda puts a present down beside her.
Zelda- What's the occasion?
Hilda- I'm celebrating you. Our talk made me realise we've been through a lot together and I wanted you to have this.
Zelda- How sweet.
She opens the box.
Zelda- (Cont.) Oh, my abacus!
Hilda- I found it in my sock drawer.
Zelda- Oh thanks for returning it. Wait, it's broken.
Hilda- I was eight and mad at you.
Zelda- Now I can't use it.
Hilda- You have a computer!...
Zelda- ...Only you would give me a gift...
Hilda- ...It's never enough for you...
Zelda- ...that belonged to me in the first place..
Hilda- ...You always want everything. Can I see that?
She takes the abacus and dashes towards the stairs.
Hilda- (Cont.) My abacus.
Zelda runs after her.
Zelda- It's mine! It's mine! She always takes my stuff.