Sabrina, The Teenage Witch
Troll Bride
Written By - Nick Bakay & Frank Conniff
Transcribed By - Paul Booth

Cast

Sabrina - Melissa Joan Hart
Hilda - Caroline Rhea
Zelda - Beth Broderick
Salem - Nick Bakay
Harvey - Nate Richert
Jenny - Michelle Beaudoin
Libby - Jenna Leigh Green
Mr Pool - Paul Feig
Roland - Phil Fondacaro
Witch Lawyer - Bryan Cranston
Boy Prince - Cory Buck
Prince Randy - Frank Conniff
Fireman - Sean Laughton
Camilla - Robin Krieger
Princess Isis - Evelyn Furtak

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters in this transcript, nor do I own any rights to the television show Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. It was created by Nell Scovell and belongs to her, Viacom Productions Inc, Hartbreak Films, and the ABC Television network. The characters are based on the original characters appearing in Archie Comics.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Hilda is sucking up to Salem.

Hilda- Please. We’ve not done it for weeks.

Salem- No.

Hilda- Come on. You’ve done it before.

Salem- Well I’m not doing it again.

Hilda- I’ll make it worth your while.

Salem- Hmm. Okay, but it’s gonna cost you.

Int. Spellman kitchen later. Hilda’s straightening her hair in front of the mirror. A handsome Fireman come through the back door with Salem in his arms.

Fireman- Here’s your cat ma’am.

Hilda- I can’t believe he did that. Bad Kitty.

She takes Salem from him and the Fireman removes his helmet.

Fireman- Cat’s aren’t the brightest animals.

Hilda- You are so right. AW!

They may not be bright but they have very sharp claws.

Fireman- Are you okay?

Hilda- Yeah I’m fine. Now how can I ever thank you? Oh look, a freshly baked, home made seven layer cake.

The cake just happens to be sitting on the table ready to tempt the unwary.

Hilda- (Cont.) Would you like some?

Fireman- Was it made by a single gal?

Hilda- Yes sir-e

Fireman- Then I’ll just put my ladder away and be right back.

She waves him off with a huge smile on her face.

Hilda- Good work Salem.

Salem- Show me the Tuna. Show me the Tuna. Say I love the black cat.

Hilda- I love the black cat.

Salem- I can’t hear you.

Hilda- I LOVE THE BLACK CAT.

Salem- I LOVE THE BLACK CAT.

Run opening credits.

Int. Westbridge High School, Biology class

Mr Pool- Yes, genetics will be on the final. Everything we study the semester will be on the final.

He points at Harvey, who’s sat beside Sabrina.

Mr Pool- (Cont.) Including what mitosis is.

Int. School Hallway. Sabrina walks with Harvey.

Harvey- It’s not fair. We only get three days to learn a whole semester’s worth of biology.

Sabrina- I guess we were supposed to be learning it all along.

Sabrina opens her locker

Harvey- I wish I could read my notes. Can you decipher this?

She tries to read his study notes.

Sabrina- (Reading) Mitosis is.......... Nope.

Harvey- I’m doomed.

Sabrina- Look, you can borrow my notes. We’ll get through finals together.

Libby strides up to join them.

Libby- Well, if it isn’t the cutest couple in the sophomore class.

Sabrina- Jeez Libby, you're really running out of insults.

Libby- No. I’m on the year book committee and I just thought you’d like to know you’ve been voted cutest couple.

Sabrina laughs and flicks her hair behind her ear dramatically.

Sabrina- I’d like to thank the academy.

Libby- You're being very brave about this Sabrina, considering the curse.

Harvey- What curse?

Libby- Every couple who ever won the award broke up by the first day of finals.

Sabrina- That’s ridiculous

Libby- And sad.

Libby walks off smiling.

Sabrina- Well you don’t think there’s a curse do you?

Harvey- No. We’re solid as a rock. Curses belong in fairy tales along with giant beanstalks and witches.

Sabrina looks up at him oddly as he puts his arm around her shoulders and they walk off.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Zelda enters from the living room carrying books. Hilda intercepts her with a muffin.

Hilda- Zelda, will you do me a favour and choke on this bread?

Zelda- What?

Hilda- I can’t think of any other way to see my fireman again. You choke, he Hiemlich’s, we go dancing.

Zelda- Hilda, it’s wrong to distract a fireman from his public duty.

Hilda- Hey, I pay taxes.

Sabrina enters from school.

Hilda- (Cont.) Oh thank goodness you're home. Choke on this.

Sabrina- Gladly.

She takes the muffin and tries to ram it to the back of her throat but Zelda takes it from her.

Zelda- Stop that. Is everything okay?

Sabrina- It depends on whether curses are real or not. You see Harvey and I got voted the cutest couple....

Hilda- (Interrupting) No, OH NO!

Sabrina- What!

Zelda- Oh that’s nothing, she’s just excited for you. And don’t you worry about this curse, you're going to be fine.

Sabrina- Really?

Zelda- Absolutely.

Sabrina- Cool. Then all I have to worry about is finals.

She leaves up the stairs.

Hilda- What are you saying? You know curses count double for witches.

Zelda- Yes, but there’s nothing Sabrina can do about it and knowing just makes it worse.

She grabs her book and leaves via the back door.

Hilda- Curses!

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom, the next morning. Sabrina hunts high and low but she can’t find it.

Salem- Hurry up Sabrina, you're gonna miss the bus.

Sabrina- Salem, have you seen my biology notes?

Salem- No. The sports sections lying in my box this week.

Sabrina- Oh, but I need them!

Salem- Chill little witch. Just use the finding spell in your magic book.

Later, Sabrina has the magic book open on her bed.

Sabrina- Ah, here we go. (Reading) Finder of lost things, help me find my enter lost item here.... Oh. Finder of lost things, help me find my biology notes.

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. The linen closet activates and a tiny chap in a green velvet coat and matching top hat with coloured feathers stuck in the brim runs out. He has long black hair and a full beard. He runs straight into Sabrina’s bedroom.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. The Finder of lost things runs in.

Roland- I’m here.

Sabrina- Who are you?

Roland- Roland, finder of lost things number one thirty-four.

Sabrina- Nice to meet you.

Roland pulls out an official looking document from his back pocket.

Roland- If you could sign this contract I’ll be happy to get right to work.

He pulls one of the feathers from his hat for Sabrina to use as a pen.

Sabrina- It’s really long.

Roland- That’s just to cover us in the event I get trapped under something heavy.

He turns round and lets her use the top of his top hat to rest the contract on while she signs.

Sabrina- There.

Roland- Okay. Stand back please. Erm...

Roland cocks his leg to the side and with a kick starts to whirl at tremendous speed all around the room. He just a green blur as he whizzes under the bed, round the back of the chairs and desks, behind the curtains, in the wardrobe, everywhere and then he suddenly stops with the biology notes in his hands.

Roland- Ah ha! I found your notes, and fifty cents.

Sabrina- Thanks.

Roland stands smiling, waiting. Sabrina wonders what for.

Sabrina- Here you go. Get yourself something nice.

She gives Roland the fifty cents

Roland- I’m not looking for a gratuity. Just my standard fee,

Sabrina- What’s that?

Roland- Anything in this room. It says so right in that contract.

Sabrina- Anything? Well I have quite a selection. How about this lovely paper weight?

Roland- I don’t need a paper weight. How’s this bed?

He climbs up onto Sabrina’s bed and bounces a few times.

Roland- (Cont.) Hmm kinda lumpy. Oh I love this clock radio.

Sabrina- Could you hurry up?, I’m late for class.

Roland- You know, you're kinda cute when you pout.

Sabrina- Could you just decide?

Roland- Okay, I know what I want. You.

Sabrina- Me!

Roland- I want your hand in marriage.

Sabrina- I’m only sixteen.

Roland- I know you're kinda old but.. that’s okay.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Hilda and Zelda are sat at the table, Sabrina comes down the stairs

Sabrina- Idon’thavetimejusttnow. There’satrollinmyroom. I’lltellyouaboutitlater.

Sabrina leaves as quickly as she arrived.

Zelda- Did she say Troll?

Int. Westbridge High School. Biology class.

Mr Pool- Testinal peristaltic action moves food through the body, making digestion both a mechanical and chemical process.

Jenny raises her hand.

Mr Pool- (Cont.) Yes, Jenny?

Jenny- Did we even study that?

Mr Pool- For a week!.

There’s a tap at the classroom door and just a head with a green felt top hat and feathers can be seen looking in.

Mr Pool- (Cont.) Who’s that?

Everyone looks round at Roland.

Sabrina- Oh no!

Mr Pool opens the door.

Mr Pool- How may I help you?

Roland- I’m here to see Sabrina. Personal matter.

Mr Pool- She’s in the middle of class.

Roland- I’ll wait. Mind if I have a seat?

He pulls up a seat and sits next to Sabrina

Sabrina- Ah, He’s an actor. You can catch him at the renaissance fair.

Mr Pool- Can we get back to learning? How long is the large intestine?

Roland quickly sticks up his hand.

Roland- Oh, oh, Go me! Go me!

Mr Pool- Yes?

Roland- The large intestine is over two miles long.

Mr Pool- No it’s not.

Roland- Yes it is.

Mr Pool- It’s five feet max.

Roland- What do you know?

Sabrina- He’s a teacher.

Int. Biology classroom later. Mr Pool hides behind the chalkboard as he argues with Roland.

Mr Pool- I’m telling you, human beings do not have four stomachs.

Roland- Well lets open you up and find out.

Mr Pool- Leave me alone.

The school bell rings.

Mr Pool- (Cont.) That’s all for today.

Roland- I’m not finished yet.

Harvey- (To Sabrina) Who is that guy?

Sabrina- Oh, it’s a really funny story. I’ll tell you about it later. Gotta go.

Int. School Cafeteria. Roland sits beside Sabrina as they have their lunch.

Roland- So. Do you want a big wedding or just the family?

Sabrina- We’re not getting married.

She sees Harvey with his tray.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Hey Harvey, come sit with us.

Roland- Who’s that?

Sabrina- My boyfriend.

Roland- Boyfriend?

Harvey- Hi guys.

Sabrina- Harvey, this is Roland.

Harvey- Nice to meet you.

Roland- Get lost farm boy.

Harvey- Farm boy? I’ve never been on a farm in my life.

Roland- Well I find that hard to believe farm boy.

Harvey- My names Harvey.

Roland- Harvey the farm boy.

Harvey- Why don’t you back off!

Roland- Why don’t you make me?

He pushes his tray onto the floor and climbs onto the table and puts his fists up.

Roland- (Cont.) It’s go time, Goober.

Harvey- I’m not going to fight you.

Roland- Oh Chicken, Buk, buk, buk-awk! Make you think of the farm, farm boy?

Harvey hits the table and stands bringing him eye to eye with the troll as he stand on the table.

Harvey- That’s it!

Sabrina- Stop! Roland quit it and get off the table.

Roland gets down as the whole cafeteria is now watching the show.

Harvey- Sabrina, what’s going on?

Sabrina- It’s a funny story. I’ll tell you about it later.

She grabs Roland by the arm and drags him from the cafeteria.

Sabrina- Come on. Come on.

Libby slides her chair back beside Harvey.

Libby- I think you could have taken him.

Harvey- That was surreal. I have no idea what just happened.

Libby- It was the curse. I’m afraid you and Sabrina are going down.

Harvey- Why did we have to be so cute?

Int. Spellman living room. Sabrina enters the front door and points towards the settee. Where Zelda and Hilda are.

Sabrina- Now get in there and no more fights, do you understand?

Roland- Okay! Okay! Henpecked already...and I love it. Phew, I’m exhausted. D’you mind if I make myself comfortable?

He takes of his hat and lays down full length on the settee.

Zelda- So she did say troll.

Hilda- What’s he doing here?

Sabrina- I’ll tell you in the kitchen. Go! Go! Go! Go!

The three witches leave Roland already snoring on the settee. He dreams a pleasant dream.

Ext. Summer meadow. Roland and Sabrina run hand in hand through the buttercups. Sabrina’s wearing a pink flouncy medieval type dress with a garland of pink flowers round her head. Everything’s in dream slow motion.

Int. Spellman kitchen. Zelda reads over the contract as Sabrina paces agitated.

Sabrina- So what do I do now?

Zelda- We’d better call a lawyer, this contract looks authentic.

Hilda- Do you know any troll specialists?

Zelda- We’ll look one up in the purple pages.

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. The linen closet activates and Zelda opens the door. A lawyer steps out. You can tell he’s a lawyer, he has ‘give me everything you own’ in his appearance.

Witch Lawyer- Stuart Clarkson here. You have a legal emergency?

Sabrina- A troll has asked for my hand in marriage.

Witch Lawyer- Did you sign a contract?

Sabrina- Yes.

Witch Lawyer- Did you read the contract?

Sabrina- No.

Witch Lawyer- Have a nice wedding.

He turns to leave.

Hilda- Wait! You can’t go, you have to help us.

Witch Lawyer- But you're asking me to break a legitimate contract.

Zelda- Isn’t that what lawyers do?

Witch Lawyer- Right! Where’s the paperwork.

Int. Spellman dining room. the Lawyer reads over the contract as the three concerned witches watch on. He shakes his head repeatedly as he flips through the many pages of small print.

Witch Lawyer- Hopeless. Hopeless.

Sabrina- I am not getting married!

Witch Lawyer- According to this, you are. Oh no!

Sabrina- What?

Witch Lawyer- Ah, sorry. Misread a word, it’s dearth, not death.

He gets up and takes off his suit jacket.

Witch Lawyer- (Cont.) Oh man, I am sweating up a storm. Do you mind if I take off my jacket and pants?

Hilda- You pants?

Witch Lawyer- Yes. Well don’t worry, I’m wearing a four piece suit.

He pulls down his pinstriped pants to reveal a pair of pinstripe shorts beneath, along with socks and garters.

Int. Spellman living room. The front door-bell rings and Sabrina answers. It’s Harvey.

Harvey- Hey.

Sabrina- Harvey!

Harvey- You left in kind of a hurry. Can I come in and talk?

Sabrina hears the sleeping troll snort on the settee.

Sabrina- No. Erm, why don’t we just step outside?

Ext. Spellman front porch. Sabrina steps out.

Sabrina- Oh this is nice, the great outdoors. So, what did you want to talk about?

Harvey- Who was that guy who tried to beat me up at school today?

Sabrina- Roland. Oh that’s a funny story, I’ll tell you later.

Harvey- It is later.

Sabrina- Well.. he’s a friend of my aunts.

Harvey- That’s the funny story?

Sabrina- I didn’t tell it very well.

Harvey- Why do I feel like you're keeping something from me?

Sabrina- I can’t really talk about it, it’s to weird.

Harvey- Sabrina, I’m your boyfriend. Do you want us to keep secrets from each other?

Sabrina- No,

Harvey- So can you tell me who Roland is?

Sabrina- No.

Harvey- Okay, I’m outa here.

He turns and leaves

Sabrina- Harvey!

But he’s gone. She sadly turns back to the house.

Int. Spellman living room, Roland’s still snoring as Sabrina comes in.

Sabrina- Roland. ROLAND!

She gives him a shake and he jerks up.

Roland- Glee-club!

Sabrina- Roland can I talk to you?

Roland- Of course. Communication is the foundation of any marriage.

Sabrina- I’m not marrying you.

Roland- Sorry, I didn’t hear you.

He grabs his hat and jams it on his head.

Sabrina- I’M NOT MARRYING YOU. Look, I’m very flattered that you chose me over a clock radio but this is not my idea of romance.

Roland- And farm boy is?

Sabrina- Yes. Harvey and I happen to be an award winning couple and even though we’re fighting now...

Roland- (Interrupting) You are?

Sabrina- We’ll work it out because Harvey and I were meant to be together.

Roland- So my love goes unrequited? I guess there’s no reason for me to carry on this charade.

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. Salem is lay in the linen basket with his toys as the dejected Roland comes along clutching his top hat. Sabrina follows.

Sabrina- You still deserve your fee for finding my notes. D’you want that clock radio?

Roland- No.

He sticks his hat in the stair banister and turns to Sabrina

Roland- (Cont.) Can I say something? I’ve found a lot of things in my life, but I guess I’m still looking for love.

He walks into the closet,

Roland- (Cont.) Goodbye.

He closes the door and is transported back to the Other Realm.

Salem- What did you do to him?

Sabrina- Nothing, I just... Look he left his hat.

Salem- You’d better take it to him, it completes his outfit.

Sabrina- I’ll be right back

Salem- See ya.

She takes his hat and enters the closet, with a crash of thunder she’s gone.

Ext. The Other Realm. Roland’s castle. Sabrina comes under the portcullis into the outer bailey. Everything’s Roland sized so she has to duck. She knocks on the door to the brock and enters bending low to fit through the small door.

Int. Roland’s room. It’s a circular room at the top of his keep tower, lit by candles and has sparse furnishings. A bed, a spinning wheel, a dresser and a couch. Roland’s asleep once more as Sabrina enters with his hat.

Sabrina- Roland?

Roland opens his eyes but doesn’t get up.

Roland- What do you want?

Sabrina- You forgot your hat.

Roland- Who cares!

Sabrina- Look, I’m sorry things didn’t work out the way you planned.

He just rolls over and faces the wall ignoring her.

Sabrina- (Cont.) Well, I gotta go study.

She puts the hat down and turns to the door that’s swung closed behind her only to find it stuck. She tugs at the handle but it wont budge.

Sabrina- It’s stuck!

Roland rolls off the bed looking very pleased with himself.

Roland- No. It’s locked, and you're trapped in here forever.

Sabrina- You tricked me!

Roland- Sabrina, I’m a finder, not a loser.

Sabrina- Oh no!

He laughs at her frantic and futile attempts to open the small door. She eventually gives up.

Sabrina- You can’t keep me here.

Roland- Oh yes I can.

Int. Spellman dining room. The dining table is piled high with law books as the Lawyer goes over everything looking for a loop-hole, Zelda and Hilda are with him completely unaware of their nieces plight.

Hilda- Faster! Faster!

Witch Lawyer- Please, I am dealing with some incredibly big words.

Salem enters.

Salem- Guys. Sabrina went to return Roland’s hat an hour ago and she hasn’t come back yet.

Zelda- Oh no! That old troll trick.

Witch Lawyer- And it’s perfectly legal.

Int. The Other Realm, Roland’s room. Sabrina sits disconsolately on the bed as Roland tells her his life story.

Roland- It took me two days but I found that needle in a hay stack.

Sabrina- Don’t you ever talk about anything but work?

There’s a knock at the door.

Roland- That must be the wedding co-ordinator.

He points at the door and it unlocks itself and swings open. It’s not the wedding co-ordinator, it’s too very annoyed aunts. Sabrina leaps up excited.

Sabrina- My aunts! You’ve come to rescue me?

Hilda- Actually no, but we’re working on getting you out.

Roland- Good luck. It’s an iron clad contract.

Zelda- Yes, but we have a lawyer with... great legs.

Hilda- And in the mean time we’ve brought Sabrina her school books.

Sabrina- Woo-hoo. I’m engaged to a troll and I get to study for finals.

Roland- Okay, visiting hours are over. Once we’re family you’ll be welcome in my house anytime, but for now vamoose.

Hilda- Don’t worry.

Zelda- We’ll get you out.

Sabrina- Before Friday or I’ll fail biology.

The aunts leave and the door is magically locked once more.

Roland- Forget homework, you're my princess now.

and with a wave of his hand she’s dressed in the same pink dress she wore in his dream along with a tall pink conical hat and vale.

Sabrina- I can dress myself.

Int. Spellman dining room. The lawyer is still trying to find a get-out in the trolls contract. He paces the room as Hilda and Zelda sit impatiently.

Witch Lawyer- Hopeless. Hopeless. Ho. Ho! Buried clause.

Hilda- Is that good?

Witch Lawyer- (Reading) The party of the first part may be rescued by a prince she desires. Ha, ha. This may be the way out.

Zelda and Hilda leap up excitedly.

Zelda- That’s great! Do we know any princes?

Witch Lawyer- Ney! I’ll set up some interviews.

Int. Spellman living room. Hilda and Zelda interview a prospective handsome prince. Only he’s a little over weight and out of condition, but he fills his tights well.

Zelda- On your special skills it says wall climbing?

Prince Randy- Oh that’s old.

Hilda- What about Dragon slaying?

Prince Randy- Haven’t done it in years. Look, I know I’ve let myself go but I think I can handle a troll. Do I smell pie?

Later.

The next Prince is actually a Princess. Isis, the warrior Princess. All metal and leather with plenty of bare flesh. A panel beater's dream come true.

Princess Isis- Look, I know twelve different ways of killing you both without leaving my chair. So when do I start?

Zelda- Isis, you are our most qualified applicant but we still can’t use you.

Princess Isis- It’s because I’m a woman isn’t it?

Hilda- Well yes.

Princess Isis- That makes me so....

Hilda hides behind Zelda as the Amazon woman leaps up brandishing her wicked looking weapon

Princess Isis- (Cont.) No. I’m going to save this anger for my support group.

Later. Interview number three. This one has all the necessary background and breeding and is the right sex. It’s such a pity that he’s only seven years old.

Zelda- Do you want some juice?

He shakes his head no.

Hilda- Okay. We're looking for a prince to save our niece from a troll. It could involve some sword play and there’s no guarantee that you’ll come back alive.

Boy Prince- (Sob) I don’t wanna die (Sob)

Zelda- Don’t cry.

Hilda- Do you want your mom? Should we get the Queen?

He nods yes.

Int. Spellman living room. later. Zelda answers the doorbell. It’s Harvey.

Harvey- Hi. Is Sabrina home?

Zelda- Oh no. I’m sorry.

Harvey- Me too. Well when you see her could you tell her that I’ve thought about it and I’m willing to accept whatever weird situation she’s in. That’s all, see ya.

He turns to go zipping up has wind-cheater when Zelda notices what’s written across the back.

Zelda- Harvey! Would you come in for a moment?

Harvey- Sure.

He enters and Zelda closes the door.

Zelda- I couldn’t help but notice your jacket. Who is the Termite King?

Harvey- My Dad. That’s his company.

Zelda- Which would make you the Termite Prince.

Harvey- And that’s why I’m leaving the area when I go to college.

Zelda- Will you excuse me.

Int. Spellman dining room. the Lawyer leaps up with a law book in his hand.

Witch Lawyer- There’s hope! The Termite Prince will stand up in a court of troll.

Hilda- Yes!

Zelda- Yeah! Only problem is, Harvey’s mortal. Do we have the fixings for a memory loss potion?

Hilda- Do we!

She nods yes and they both dash off to the kitchen.

Int. The Other Realm, Roland’s room. Sabrina sits doing her revision for finals and tries to ignore the wedding co-ordinator and Roland as they plan her happy day.

Camilla- I see you two in a gazebo draped in wisteria.

Roland- I’m loving it.

Camilla- With garlands in her hair, and yours

Roland- Divine.

Sabrina- I have an idea. Why don’t you two get married?

Camilla- I see the bride has a case of cold feet.

Roland- Oh poor Sabrina. Maybe I shouldn’t put you through all the stress of this.

Sabrina- You mean...?

Roland- (Interrupting) Yes. Let's move the wedding up to tomorrow.

Sabrina- Tomorrow! Somebody help me. (Sob)

She runs across the room to the high turret window.

Sabrina- (Cont.) HELP!

Int. Spellman living room. Harvey drinks a smoking brew from a silver chalice as Hilda, Zelda and the Lawyer sit watching from the settee.

Harvey- Hmm. Cinnamony.

Zelda- What we’re about to tell you is strange, so I hope you can accept it.

Harvey- I’m drinking from a chalice in front of a guy with no pants. I’m trying, so what’s the truth?

Hilda- Sabrina’s a witch and she’s being held captive by a troll in his castle and only a prince who she loves can save her.

Harvey- That’s all?

He takes another big swig of the brew.

Int. Spellman upstairs landing. Harvey stands in the closet doorway, Hilda and Zelda stand by.

Harvey- So the quest starts with me going through the linen closet?

Hilda- Yes. Wait, your clothes are all wrong.

She does that pointing thing that the Spellman’s do so well and Harvey acquires a floppy hat with a huge feather, a black velvet surcoat and tights, Luckily he has the legs to get away with it. He also has a sword.

Harvey- I don’t have to dress like this forever do I?

Zelda- No. Just until you vanquish the troll.

Harvey- I couldn’t vanquish the troll in pants?

Zelda pushes him firmly into the closet and closes the door. Harvey is transported the Roland’s castle in the Other Realm.

Ext. The Other Realm, Roland’s castle outer bailey. Harvey enters having to duck even lower than Sabrina had to, to get under the portcullis.

Harvey- Sabrina?

Int. Roland’s room. Sabrina still works for her finals then she hears the call.

Harvey- (OS) SABRINA!

Sabrina- Harvey?

Harvey tries the little troll door to the keep but it’s magically locked like the one that holds Sabrina captive.

Harvey- Sabrina!

Sabrina runs to the window and looks down.

Sabrina- Harvey!

Harvey- How’s it going?

Sabrina- What are you doing here?

Harvey- I’m supposed to vanquish the troll.

Sabrina- Oh, come on up.

Harvey- I can’t. The doors locked.

Sabrina- There must be a way. We have to think fairy tale. I’ve got it!

She points at her head and her long blonde hair gets longer and longer and longer until it covers most of the floor of the room. She bends down and scoops up armload's of it and grunting under the weight, tosses it out of the window. The weight of the hair alone almost drags her through it but she hangs on to the window sill and braces herself.

Sabrina- Harvey, Climb up my hair.

Harvey- You're okay with that?

Sabrina- Yeah, just don’t split any ends.

Harvey grabs hold of the thick rope of hair and starts to pull himself up the tower wall, It was bad enough for Sabrina with just the weight of the hair but with Harvey’s weight also it’s very painful and she grits her teeth to stop herself screaming. Harvey climbs until one hand is able to grab the ledge and the other the hair at the back of Sabrina’s head.

Harvey- Almost there.

Sabrina- Hurry up

Harvey- I made it.

Sabrina- My Prince has come.

Harvey- You look great with long hair.

He climbs into Roland’s room.

Sabrina- Na, It’s a lot of up keep. Let me look at you. So, I guess this means you know how weird my life is.

Harvey- Your aunts told me.

Sabrina- I figured as much when I saw you in tights.

Harvey- They’re kinda bunching on me.

Roland- (OS) Sweetheart, look what the billy goat sent us.

Sabrina- Quick, hide.

She holds back a tapestry on the wall for Harvey to duck behind.

Sabrina- (Cont.) I’ve got to get rid of this hair.

She casts the spell just as Roland enters showing off the wedding present.

Roland- It’s a blender.

Even though Harvey’s hidden, Roland spots him straight off.

Roland- What’s he doing here?

Sabrina- Oh right, you're good at finding things.

Roland- Where’s my sword? Where’s my sword?

It doesn’t take him long to find his sword either.

Roland- (Cont.) Ha, ha! found it.

He moves towards Harvey waving the sword.

Harvey- Sabrina, what do I do?

Sabrina- Draw your sword.

He draws his sword.

Harvey- Now what do I do?

Sabrina- Use it!

He has little choice as Roland attacks, He manages to fend off the initial thrusts but Roland has the experience and Harvey fights for survival, he’s pushed back into one of the seats bringing their heights level, and as he gains in confidence from not being run through in the first seconds he regains his feet giving him a substantial height and reach advantage which counters Roland’s greater skill. Harvey forces the fight driving Roland back through the low door and down the spiral stairs. Sabrina runs to the window and sees them come out into the bailey. Roland is relentless and when Harvey trips on some hay bails he swings the blade to cleave him in two.

Roland- Take that!

But Harvey manages to role aside and counters with a stroke of his own.

Harvey- Take it back!

Roland just manages to parry the stroke. Sabrina cheer’s on her prince and offers occasional advice.

Sabrina- Watch out!

The swords clash and lock as they both hold their ground.

Roland- Ah! Time out! Time out!

They both disengage panting, Harvey leans on his sword while Roland climbs up onto a crate. Once he’s on a level height with Harvey.

Roland- Time in.

And he swings his sword almost decapitating his young opponent who ducks just in time. Harvey blocks two more swings and sees that Roland’s left himself open. He draws his arm back for the thrust that will surely end the fight but as the sword point passes through where Roland stands he’s not there anymore.

Harvey- Where’d he go?

Sabrina- To your left!

Roland- Over here farm boy.

Harvey- I hate that name.

They engage once more and Sabrina decides it’s time she pitched in with more than encouragement. She grabs her school text books from the dresser and takes them to the window. The battle still rages down below.

Sabrina- Don’t worry Harvey, here comes the air support.

She leans out of the window and awaits her moment, then it’s geography away. It misses Roland by inches.

Roland- Honey, that almost hit me.

English is next, quickly followed by algebra. They both miss their target.

Roland- Hey, I’m duelling down here.

But even with the air support Roland’s greater skill proves the telling factor as with a deft twist of his sword he disarms his young opponent. He laughs at the helpless boy as they circle and with a sweep of the flat of his blade he knocks Harvey’s feet from under him. He stands over him with the point pressed to his heart for the killing stroke.

Roland- You’ve taken your last breath

Sabrina only has biology left and it’s Harvey’s only hope, not to mention hers, she raises it above her head.

Sabrina- My aim is true.

She lets fly, and her aim is true, Roland falls in a heap as the text book clouts him on the head.

Sabrina- Bulls eye, and to think I complained about lugging that around all year.

She runs down the stairs as Harvey gets to his feet.

Sabrina- Harvey? Harvey?

They embrace in a big hug as Roland starts to come round.

Roland- What happened? Sabrina, did you do this to me?

Sabrina- Sorry Roland, but consider yourself vanquished.

Roland- You're a vary complicated woman and more trouble than you're worth. The marriage is off and if anyone asks, I dumped you.

Harvey- We did it.

Sabrina- Lets frolic.

Ext. Summer meadow. Sabrina and Harvey run hand in hand through the buttercups in a dreamy slow motion until.

Sabrina- Wait! What day is it?

Harvey- Thursday?

Sabrina- We’ve got our biology test tomorrow, we’ve gotta study. Move it!

Sabrina picks up her long skirt and they both leg it back to the mortal realm.

Int. Spellman Kitchen. Sabrina and Harvey enter in their normal day wear.

Hilda- Sabrina, you're back.

They hug.

Sabrina- Harvey saved me, and now he knows everything.

Harvey- Yep. Sabrina’s a witch, you're a witch, your Sister’s a witch, it all makes sense.

Hilda- But only for fifteen more seconds. Then the knowledge will be erased from his memory forever.

Sabrina- But I like it like this. We have no secrets from each other.

Hilda- Then for the next five seconds you have a perfect relationship.

Hilda leaves.

Harvey- That doesn’t give me much time but I always knew there was something magical about you Sabrina, and now... What was I saying?

Sabrina- You were telling me... what mitosis is.

Harvey- Right, what is it?

Int. The Other Realm. Roland’s room. Stuart the lawyer is with Roland tidying up legal ends.

Witch Lawyer- And initial here.

Roland initials the document and the Lawyer whips it away into his brief case.

Roland- I found this pen you know.

Witch Lawyer- Sabrina is now free and clear to marry whoever she wants. In return you are entitled to her clock radio.

He takes it from the brief case and puts it on the dresser.

Roland- I didn’t really want it, I just took it to hurt her.

Int. Westbridge High School hallway, Harvey and Sabrina walk hand in hand down the hall and bump into Libby.

Libby- It’s the first day of finals. What are you two doing holding hands?

Harvey- We survived the curse.

Libby- How?

Sabrina- It’s a funny story. I’ll tell you about it later.

Int. Biology class room. Sabrina, Harvey and Libby enter and take their seats as Mr Pool hands out test papers.

Mr Pool- You have fifty minutes. Don’t start until everyone has a test.

Harvey- Sabrina, good luck

Sabrina- You too, and don’t forget. Mitosis is...

Mr Pool- (Interrupting) You may begin.

Sabrina- (Whispering) The process of cell division.

Int. Sabrina’s bedroom. Sabrina’s with her pet cat Salem, her aunts enter.

Hilda- Congratulations on your finals results.

Zelda- You’ve done so well that we think you deserve a reward.

Sabrina- I’ve been thinking that too.

Run Credits

Salem- So, where are we going? Tony Roma’s

Hilda- No.

The aunts both put on matador hats.

Sabrina- What’s going on?

Zelda- It’s an around the world tour available only to witches who ace biology.

Hilda- And their relatives.

Zelda- First stop Spain.

Hilda- O’ley!

And with a snap Sabrina, Hilda and Zelda vanish.

Salem- They left me behind! Be strong, don’t cry (Sob)

Sabrina appears beside him

Sabrina- I can’t believe we almost forgot you.

She picks him up.

Salem- What, had you left?

Sabrina- Yes. Anyway we have to catch up with the others. O’ley!

And with a snap their gone.